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Well it’s 4/20 and if you’re anything like me when stoned (miserable the entire time because you convince yourself this is your new normal and you will never not be high) then you’re celebrating today with some good old fashioned paranoia! Because I’m a control freak with too many throw pillows, I don’t enjoy the loosey goosey feeling of the pot (please don’t talk to me about strands and how one strand will do this and a different strand will do that and you just gotta find the one that works man) so I’m determined to get high in new and exciting mostly dangerous ways! Join me on this way more trippy journey.

  1. Washington International Flight Academy – $$$$$$$$

First of all, getting your pilot’s license is VERY EXPENSIVE and rightfully so. You are flying. In a plane. You could die. Secondly if I had my pilot’s license I would be the coolest person in the room at all times unless I was in a room with Barack Obama and The Rock. Of course if I was in a plane with them we’d probably be jetting off to some cool person island where Jurassic Park actually exists.

  1. Skydive Delmarva – $2200

When I was a senior in high school I interned at the now defunct radio station 99.1 WHFS. The morning show team got to go skydiving as part of a promo deal and I took one 6 hour course then did a solo accelerated freefall with two jump masters who hold onto you on either side as you exit the plane then let go of you once you’re out. Looking at the website now….THIS WOULD MAYBE HAPPEN AFTER 7 JUMPS. Basically what I’m saying is no one cared about safety in 1998 and now I sound like a baby boomer waxing poetic about the good ol’ days.

  1. Trapeze School – ???

Be the circus freak you wish to see in the world.

4. Hot Air Balloon Rides – ????

I’m not entirely sure a basket hanging off a giant balloon is 100% safe but I do know it’s 100% romantic! These things are lousy with proposals and makeout sessions all while sharing a freakishly tiny space with a total stranger (hey somebody has to operate that thing). And if you’re me that ride is gonna be filled to the brim with HOT AIR puns. Here’s Gerard Butler in a balloon describing our relationship perfectly:

5.  Cannabis Jewelry – $Various

Okay fine…I’ll stay on theme. Head (shop) over to Etsy for all your marijuana jewelry-themed pieces. As previously stated I’m a purveyor of puns so THIS is my fave!

That’s all folks!