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I live in Chicago and it’s currently colder than most other places on Earth. What I’m dreaming of are some warm, fiery, spicy, or otherwise heat-related treats to remind me of anything other than the frozen hellscape that waits just beyond my front door.

Cozy Products TT Toasty Toes Ergonomic Heated Foot Warmer – $36.99

I can’t wear socks at home. My feet get all sweaty and clammy regardless of the climate and I end up spending most of the day thinking about getting home and taking my socks and shoes off. This proves problematic in the winter, when the house gets drafty and my no socks in the house policy is tested. Now I can put my feet on a big heated panel and never worry again.

Professor Payne Indeass’s Anal Angst X-Hot Hot Sauce – $7.49


There is no more hilarious way to warm up on a cold day than by dumping a bunch of funny hot sauce on all your food. Thanks to Professor Payne Indeass and his Anal Angst X-Hot Sauce Recipe #4, my whole entire butt can be blown off while thinking of the summer months care of their astronomically high Scoville heat rating.

Heat – Free with Netflix subscription ($8.99/month)

Sure there are more beach-y films, full of exotic locales, sandy beaches, and surfer dudes, but honestly all you need to know is right there in the name: Heat. No better way to get and stay warm than by filling your life with warmth-affirming things, even on a purely superficial level. Also I hear this is a very good movie. Haven’t seen it yet but it’s on Netflix.

Sunny Day Real Estate’s LP 2 remaster on clear/pink swirl vinyl – $39.98


Nothing conjures thoughts of sunny days like a band with that exact phrase in their band name. The emo godheads released this, their second album,, back in 1995, shortly after the first time they broke up. It’s now something of a fan favorite and a very limited vinyl version (this color variant is limited to 500!) is available on the beloved resale site Discogs.

Professional Kitchen Torch – $28.73

Now it wouldn’t be a Wish List article without a kitchen gadget of some kind. Sometimes it’s nice to put a little scald on your dish, get things nice and roasty toasty right before you serve it up. I don’t make enough creme brulees at home, and this warm little goblin is just the tool I need to get that issue resolved.

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