It’s officially wedding season! I never want to get married. However if I did get married it would be a very goth wedding.
(Also want to give a nod to our managing editor, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! Double nods to our Vice-President of Editorial whose birthday is next weekend and whose summer aesthetic is Goth Jimmy Buffet who I will probably marry)
I’m Dying Up Here
Black Wedding Dress – $$$$$$$$
It’s alllll about the dress and this dress has to be black because obviously and also lol I could not be any less of a virgin. I Am Sparta. Plus black is slimming (sure) and if I’m honest with myself I’ll spill something multiple times throughout the night (hell yeah I’m getting married at night) so why not get a dress that will hide it?
Glenborrodale Castle, Scotland – £3,750,000
Where am I getting married? At a spooky castle in the Scottish Highlands of course. There can be only FUN! And why not buy the damn thing so I can live out my days like Outlander or Crispin Glover. Get ready for my incredibly weird Instagram account and my library filled with First Edition books.
1959 Cadillac Hearse – $52,500
Just because I’m getting married in the dead of night doesn’t mean I’m above cheesy wedding traditions. I need a proper car to whisk me away to my new life (death). I just have one special request. Please refrain from writing JUST MARRIED on the back. I will, however, accept JUST DIED. Or His and Hearse.
Move over Paris, these are Europe’s hottest new (very very old) catacombs! And they are the perfect place to spend one’s honeymoon. Emphasis on moon. With nearly 8,000 SNAZZILY-DRESSED corpses to see it’s the perfect place to unwrap the romance.
7 Piece Skull Tea Set – $145.00
If I can’t sip tea out of an actual human skull (I can’t?) then this is the next best thing. This tea set makes for an EXCELLENT wedding gift.
That’s all folks!