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You know those people who just love their bike and it’s an important factor in their transportation and exercise equation? They own clothing items made of spandex and have that uncomfortable bike crotch situation totally handled. Well my sweet child, I am not one of those people. Nor do I think I can be. I’m aiming for more of the hottie you see hop off her ride like it’s second nature at the local food co-op with a cute basket in the front situation. My exercise will be biking to get meals and run errands, mostly because my social anxiety isn’t fit for the trails yet. But recently during a jaunt in her new hood of Clarendon, my mother and I went into a bike shop and she gave a strong impression she would buy me one of these two-wheeled beasts. Was this because I pointed out that the last bike I had was the kind that you would pedal backwards to brake? Well yes, because that fact is horrifying considering I’m 23. I’m ready for my new ride and as a person who has no problem producing a list of material goods she wants, I’ve got some things on my bike wish list.

Trek FX 2 Disc – $559.99

A kind young gentleman with the last name Bueno, who responded to my chuckle when he gave me his card with a solid, “yeah, it’s a good last name” joke (never met a play on words I didn’t like), told me this bike will fit my needs. I asked if it will get me to the store. Yes. If I decide to frequent a bike trail with my mother will this work? Yes. Is it light enough for my fragile frame to carry while I climb the stairs of my adorable walk up apartment building in Brooklyn that isn’t even a glimmer in the eye of my future yet? He said yes but it took my weak ass two tries to pick it up. I’ll adjust. The price seems to be acceptable, (I am not paying for this bike, shout out to my Ma) and as I inspected in person, it does indeed have two wheels that move. Say yes to the bicycle!

Reflective Flames Decal – $12

I’m a speed demon, fast and furious, blink and you might miss me. Sike, I have a slightly crooked leg and a bike seems like it may be better than legs? I’m hesitant to junk up my potential two wheeled baby, but I want her (not to assume my bike’s gender) to feel beautiful and like herself. That’s where these sick decals come into the equation. She is going to look so beautiful. Also these are reflective decals so I’m LESS likely to be run over. Win win, baby.

Bern Helmet – $41.99

My main deterrent from ever being a person who was down to bike it up at anytime: helmets. Despite no one in my life admitting I have a big head and just avoiding eye contact when I state my obvious physical condition, I just know it. Why would I want to accentuate this feature about myself? So I don’t “die”? Not sure, guys, not sure. I have never witnessed a human in public with a helmet on and thought “wow, LOOK at that person in a HELMET. How ugly/embarrassing/lame” so it might be time to get over this hangup and live my big-headed truth. I found this Bern helmet on Amazon and it seems totally fine and I don’t hate it. Yet.

Confidence – $blood, sweat, tears$

Due to my aforementioned lovely social anxiety, I worry a lot about how people will view me on a bike. All I know is I see cool people on bikes and it’s like an extension of their body and they maneuver that sucker around naturally as hell. I would like to be this person, please. I know that it’s like “practice” and “habit” but having it ASAP would be great, thanks so much.

Outdoor Voices Techsweat Crop – $60

I am not embarrassed to admit that brands’ Instagram aesthetics hook me in pretty easily. Outdoor Voices looks airy and clean and simple and I have fallen for it (the ruse, not like, love.) Biking is one of the least strenuous exercises out there but I do not wear bras hmm…like ever. But with this Outdoor Voices not a shirt not a bra crop top I can keep things under control and I can totally make this my biking getup when things get inevitably gross and sticky outside.

Front Basket – $32.50

My goodies, my goodies, my goodies…need a place to be stored on my bike. Tell me who has not dreamed of having a bike with a basket? I can keep so many things in it! Whatever I picked up from the store, my lunch, my mini backpack, if it’s smaller than 10 inches— it’s going in the basket.

Belted Bag – $8

Last on the list is a reasonable vintage belted bag from Ebay. It’s a fanny pack but when it’s made of leather and will be worn by me during moments that aren’t like a hike on vacation, it’s a belted bag, got it? I can keep my chapsticks (yes, that’s plural, leave me alone), my external charger, my snackies, and I guess money in this beauty. Using this is a good option when I’m going places on my bike because my back will be less sweaty compared to a backpack, right? It’s small but perfectly sized and I can throw it in my BASKET? I don’t know, this is all clearly new to me and I have no idea what I am talking about. Happy biking, y’all!