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We made it to Cleveland. We’re here. Why are we here?

Today is the first day of the Republican National Convention in the great city of Cleveland in the great state of Ohio. The last time I was in Ohio was a decade ago. I took a Megabus with my bandmate on January 3 to play two shows. Playing shows in a snowy Cleveland during the first week of the year is very dumb. We played those shows. One of us was sexually harassed while a stranger drove us back to the hotel. The driver attempted to give one of us an upper thigh massage while speeding on the highway and offering pulls from his bottle of liquor. We drank the liquor. We were grateful for the ride. 10 years later, one of us back in Cleveland. This time we have a car.


Back to the question. Why are we here? Because the 2016 presidential election process feels like the type of thing we cover.

On yesterday’s “Face the Nation” former Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour said, “I think a convention actually is a great big TV show.”

And that’s why we’re here.

But before we actually enter Cleveland and the Quicken Loans Arena to witness speeches from George Washington (a GW hologram is speaking, it’s like Coachella 2012!), a guy from “Duck Dynasty,” Scott Baio, Antonio Sabato, Jr. and wife of WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump, Melania Trump, we’d like to focus on some words you can read before the, most likely, greatest show on Earth.

On November 3, 2015, Donald Trump released his book “Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again.” It’s essentially a condensed version of Trump’s primary stump speeches. It has lines like, “For a long time I’ve been the man the media loves to hate,” and, “Let me repeat that, one way or another: Mexico will pay for it,” and on the next page, “But one way or another, they are going to pay for it.”

The book did quite well in sales, more popular than any other presidential candidate’s book. Before and during the GOP primary season, a lot of people liked the idea of a problems and an angry stare.

Judging a book by its cover, the author of this book senses a big problem and he may be the person that helped create the problem. Like a villain. Like someone operating on fear.


The same text has a new title. Earlier this month “Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again” changed. The same words are now, “Great Again: How to Fix Our Crippled America.” Re-released as a trade paperback in the month WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump becomes WWE Hall of Famer/GOP Presidential Nominee Donald Trump, “Great Again” will be on shelves across a currently great nation.

Judging a book by its cover, the author of this book is a confident fixer of any and all problems. Like a hero. Like someone you can believe in.


Before a hologram man takes the stage at the Quicken Loans Arena, it appears that the United States of America is in a fine state. A man that has bankrupted multiple businesses will have his coronation in an arena sponsored by a company that helped spur the 2008 financial crises. America is great, again.