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When speaking to a female comic, or any woman regarding her professional field, it’s important to keep the following talking points in mind.

  • What’s it like being a woman in your field.
  • Please speak for every woman in your field.
  • You look great.
  • For your age.
  • How do you balance a career and a family?
  • No family?
  • Huh.
  • What do the men in your field think of you?
  • Let’s just gossip about other women in your field, for a minute.
  • You’re very successful, let’s talk about your accomplishments, the nonthreatening ones.

Bridget Everett is a hilarious comic/actress/performer with her own well-received Comedy Central special: Gynecological Wonder but more than that she’s a woman, which is why I couldn’t wait to pick her brain before she hits the 9:30 Club this Saturday.

Brightest Young Things: According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of woman is “an adult female human being.” That’s pretty polarizing. What does that say to you? That’s such a heavy crown to bear.

Bridget Everett: That feels like a pretty complicated definition. It might be hard for me to crack. It’s such a difficult concept for me to wrap my brain around.

BYT: Well, you’re a woman. Anything could be hard.

BE: Am I? I feel blessed, as a woman, just to get an opportunity to be heard sometimes. I’m so lucky that way.

BYT: I think some of the really female-centric things people forget about, that…as a woman, you brush your teeth. What kind of femininity do you bring to things like brushing your teeth? As a woman.

BE: As a woman, I just do my best to stroke right, and up and down, as gingerly and feminine as I can.

BYT: You have to remain as noninvasive as possible. You certainly don’t want to rub anyone, or any teeth, the wrong way.

BE: I try to be respectful and have boundaries. I just think about, like my dog Poppy…

BYT: She’s a woman

BE: She’s a woman and I do what she does. She follows me. I follow her. We follow each other. It’s a big old circle of femininity.

BYT: That’s brave. Let’s just go through your day a bit, as a woman. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day but is it the most important meal of the day for women?

BE: I mean it has to be. As a woman I get up, I crack some eggs. I do it because I’m a woman and when you’re a woman you have to get those eggs out. Sometimes I think, is that the best thing about me? These eggs? As a woman I get my eggs up every day and I get them cookin’.

BYT: If you’re lucky, you go to work. What’s that like, as a woman, in your line of work? Do women laugh?

BE: As a woman I see women laughing and having a good time and I think…there’s a woman doing what a woman wants to do and I do it too because I’m a woman and we’re women. It’s woman’s work.

BYT: You have an unorthodox job, for a woman, what’s it like having to constantly be on the road. You’re never home.

BE: As a woman I think “Should I be at home? Should I be cookin’ up something and cleaning up something?” As a woman I feel blessed to get you going to venues all across the country and enjoy the respect that commands from, say, your sound engineer. That’s a real treat.

BYT: D.C. doesn’t have a lot of women. I don’t have any statistics but I look around on the street and there are not a lot of women here. You’re coming here, as a woman, and frankly I’m a little concerned about the way it’s going to be received. It’s something different, something new, something weird. People ask “Have women always been around?” Your guess is as good as mine. What will you be able to bring to D.C.? As a woman?

BE: As a woman I’m going to bring the voice of an angel and two titties they called Beaver Town. I’m gonna take the stage and lift them up, as a woman. I feel fortunate to be there.

BYT: I’m buying a ticket. I’m taking the ride.

BE: I look forward to being in Washington, D.C., looking around and seeing a room full of women and seeing what they get up to.

Bridget Everett is performing at the 9:30 Club with her band The Tender Moments Saturday January 16. Versions of the word woman were said 34 times during the course of this interview.

Bonus Round: We have a pair of FREE tickets for this show, to win ’em tell us in the comments section below how you fulfilled your duties as a woman today. Best answer wins. Good luck!