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By Joe McAdam

Bob Saget is back on the Danny Tanner pony in Fuller House and on a stand up tour with new material for his upcoming special. We spoke the other day over the phone extremely early while I was in Los Angeles. We talked about Suicide Squad, pillow stains and a little bit of Urkle.

Bob Saget performs at the Baltimore Soundstage on August 19 and the Warner Theatre on August 20.

Good to talk to you, Bob.

Good to talk to you too, so you live in LA and farm yourself out to promote a gig in D.C.?

Yeah, my buddy works at Brightest Young Things and he recommended I take this interview because I briefly started a campaign to get you to play the Joker in the new Suicide Squad movie. Are you bummed you didn’t get the role?

That’s hilarious. No, I didn’t get the call.

https://twitter.com/joemcadam/status/760535242247503872

When I was on Conan there was a writer who when he was nine-years-old wrote a fan letter to me and he came out and sat next to me on panel and he read a truncated version of that letter he wrote to me about how much it would mean to meet me. It was very touching.

That’s beautiful.

It was, they played the Michelle Tanner emotional synthesizer music.

Now Suicide Squad, is there suicide involved in this?

I haven’t seen it. I just thought you should have been in it, that’s all.

That’s great, if there’s any other parts that you hear of and you have no knowledge of what the product is, I’m in.

Well, they’re going to keep making James Bond movies and Star Wars movies, we’ll think of something.

There’s gotta be something they can put me in. Maybe a cameo in the next Star Wars in the bar scene. There’s a bunch of freaks there and I’m just there telling my jokes.

What’s the Fuller House gig like?

It’s fun! They call us the legacy cast. So John, Dave, Lori and myself. It’s like Sigourney Weaver on the Alien ship. They open up the thing and dry ice comes out. That’s us, we rise up like Dracula. It’s quite fun and quite strange to be on the exact same stage where we did the show and I love all the people on it. And it’s one of those things that literally doesn’t happen, I mean you’ve got Star Trek with original cast in those movies but this is a two dimensional sitcom that made everybody happy.

I went back and watched one of your episodes on Fuller House the other day.

I’m sorry.

It was the one where you return and visit the family again and they’re reupholstering the couch. (Season 1 Episode 8 “Secrets, Lies and Firetrucks,” they make a jacket for Danny Tanner out of the couch.)

I actually have the couch jacket in my closet.

I was going to ask. That’s a pretty cool jacket.

It fits me perfectly. I don’t think I’d wear it anywhere, it’s very heavy. It’s made of a couch. I had a lot of fun playing that, and Netflix has deemed it I believe the most popular show on Netflix or something like that. People wanted to see you again. My joke is that there’s going to be Fullest House and it will be me in an urn by the window. Maybe they’ll stuff me.

I’m also having a really good time because I want to do a new special. I’ve got a lot of new material and things I want to talk about and new music which means you’ve gotta go out and tour. I love touring when it’s good places. So I’ll be in the Washington area and the Warner Theater on the 20th. It’s a fun one that I play as often as I can. It’s a great perfect comedy venue, in a political town where you couldn’t get a guy doing less political material.

You don’t touch on Trump?

There’s mentioning, but there’s so much of a division I just can’t take cage match-type of thinking.

Is there still a portion of your audience that expects Danny Tanner?

No thankfully, it’s been 25 years and people finally figured it out.

I’ve been talking about this with my contemporaries and my peers, but I don’t know why, but I have to get out there. I have to go out, I have to tour, and I only play places that make me happy. I’m going with my buddy Mike Young who directed a movie called My Man is a Loser and I played a stalker in it who sings country songs about stalking women. I can do four characters really well.

I’m just doing what I want.

Sounds like you’re in a nice position where you have that compulsion to go out, but can also be choosy and not play every terrible club.

There’s, a couple clubs that I play, I mean in LA I play a couple of the Improvs because you want to be able to work out your material. You can’t just to a theater where people are paying money and you’ve gotta give them a really great show. They have to leave thinking oh my god that was so much fun. I laughed so hard I was so entertained. I’m turning into Liza Minelli, that’s my problem. “My fans, they love me!” I just want people to not leave angry. There’s people that are hitting a lot of political notes and they get you to think and i appreciate those people. I mean sometimes I do get my news from Bill Maher or John Oliver because when I turn on the news I can’t sit through it. I can’t get through the anger and the hatred and the pain. Not that I’m blocking reality, I’m just trying to forge forward in the things that are more humor-laden because life’s hard enough, you know?

Yeah, this year’s been pretty brutal.

It is and then you turn on the Olympics to relax and some poor little girl jumps over a balance beam and flies through the air and does a triple whatever the hell it’s called and lands on her skull and looks like she breaks her neck and dies but she doesn’t. Then she gets up and her sister’s crying then she comes back and does it again. Bill Murray said something that was really really funny on Twitter about the Olympics, “every Olympic event should include one average person competing for reference.” (note: I looked up the @BillMurray account and it’s not actually Bill Murray, but an account that tweets jokes and sometimes “10 Drop Dead Gorgeous MILFS You Have To See To Believe”)

Like you or me following all these amazing athletes. I just turned 60 for god’s sake, which I can’t even believe. I don’t know I seem like a younger man to me. But if I were to take a running leap at a balance beam and jump over the thing and leap I would just be dead. It would be snuff.

So you wrote the book Dirty Daddy a couple years ago which I feel like started a trend of people saying “daddy” way more than they used to.

Well, what I didn’t know was that there was a porn film by that name, and Harper Collins didn’t go, “Hey, there’s a porn film by that name.” It seemed to be the appropriate title, in fact there’s been talk of it to be the root of other work around it, there’s been talk of a play, I don’t know. We’re just talking, me and a producer friend of mine, but I don’t know. I’m really proud of that thing. And if people are having trouble sleeping, it’s a seven hour audio tape so it can knock em right out. You don’t need to roofie anybody any more you just play my audio book.

Are you pretty active on Twitter?

I’m insane. I’ve gone crazy, there are days where I do Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook. Snapchats a real problem for me. I’ll do it all day, and I don’t want people to see my whole day. “Here’s where I keep my hidden key in case I get locked out.”

Someone could take over your whole life with Snapchat.

They could! “Here’s my Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon. I keep them in the back of this drawer.”

They would steal Bob Saget’s identity for the Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons.

That would be so upsetting. They offer them all year long! Bring your receipt they’ll give you five dollars off, ten dollars off. How many plungers do you need?! It’s really about linens. It’s about pillows and linens when you need new pillows. The scariest thing in the world is stained pillows because how did they get stained? Did you have dental work done? They are the grossest thing and you have to throw them out.

Do you go out and buy your own pillows?

I go out at night, otherwise you go through life taking selfies all day long.

Yeah, you can’t block a human in real life.

Yeah, and people are so happy when they see me. Now flight attendants will do it when I’m on the way to the bathroom “Oh, will you take a selfie for my daughter? She loves you.” And I’m on my way to the pooper. Nobody should do a number two on a plane anyway.

I saw the guy that played Mr. Belding at a bar a while ago and it made my night.

Oh, I’ve seen him, Dennis Hastings. I don’t think of myself that way. I mean if I saw Urkle I might get crazy. I actually know Dennis and he’s a nice guy.

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