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Adam Green is coming to DC tonight.
-He’s playing the Black Cat.
-His new (solo, not Moldy Peaches) record (out now on Rough Trade) is a delectable croony collection of songs much like this one:

-He has been writing music since he was “this tall”, toured with Babyshambles, written a song about Jessica Simpson and has some great dance moves.

-His Grandmother was once engaged to Franz Kafka

-He is a star of sorts in the US and a star of certain notoriety in Europe:

– He is smart (and clever), as sharp as a knife and as dry as that martini you’re craving right now, and the kind of person you want to invite on a psychedelic adventure somewhere in the woods of Maryland. For real.

I spent 15 minutes (in heaven) on the phone with Adam yesterday, to “preview the show” which he hijacked within 10 seconds of the speaker phone being turned on (I promise I did have questions prepared). And God love him for it.

So, for all you budding rockstarsssss out there, in several easy points: this is how to make an interview all your own:

+ Turn the topics to the interviewer promptly (the first few minutes were spent discussing my non-Russian origins, whether the word “slave” actually originated from the word “Slav” (no), taxation without representation and basically anything that had nothing to do with the music)

+ When an actual question gets squeezed in (namely “What can the DC audiences expect from the show?”) roll out a stream of thoughts that transcribing will only do a disservice to: stories involving dressing up, fringes moving while dancing, his band and manager torturing him into waking up every day, the gruesome effects drugs have on a young, creative mind (I mean, if my manager didn’t tell me she would cut my balls off if I didn’t wake up every day, I don’t know what I would do. But then, she ran off to Cuba right after that and I haven’t heard from her since), chances of being the new Elvis (the slow descent into self destruction has begun), Conan as the lover of music

+ Laugh a lot (both with the person on the other line, and at the person on the other line and sporadically, for good measure, at yourself too-evening the playing field out into a “nudge nudge, wink wink” scenario)

+ Finally, offer a great soundbite. One thing that can and should be used. So here it is:

ME: So, Adam, are there any words of advice you would like to give to our readers:
Adam Green: YES.
ME: Ok, I’m ready
Adam Green: Drink a lot of water.
ME: Hydration IS crucial
Adam Green: That it IS. Also: Never wake up in the morning. Only wake up in the afternoon. And then, while drinking a lot of water, listen to 3 Bauhaus songs and dance to them to wake up. And eat only 2, but BIG meals a day and never buy Levi’s. Just write to Levi’s and they will give them to you for free.
ME: Actually, you can probably never pay for anything. It is amazing the things people will give you for free if you just ask
Adam Green So very true. Oh and….!
ME: Yes?
Adam Green: Find someone you really love and marry them.
ME: Awwwww.

So, there you go kidsss, you know what to do today.
listen to some Bauhaus, drink a lot of water, eat a good dinner, and go see Adam Green at The Black Cat and try to become his friend. Or make him fall really in love with you and marry you.
Either way.
Chances are, it will be memorable.