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While America was meeting it’s new dad Tim Kaine, a few blocks from the Philadelphia Convention Center, on the corner of the LOVE stature, an early 20-something woman was in near tears attempting to defend her vote to an early 20-something man. He blamed Hillary Clinton’s neoliberal policies for the rise of Trump. She is scared of Trump.


Before I left the Wells Fargo Center, Vice President Biden talked to America like a concerned grandparent. He thinks our friend Donald is a bad influence. “How can there be pleasure in saying you’re fired? He’s trying to tell us he cares about the middle class? Give me a break. That’s a bunch of malarkey.”

Before the word malarkey lit up Twitter, I watched workers clock in and out to the arena. A job is a job.

Before I entered the arena, some upset Bernie supporters attempted a “fart-in” to protest Clinton’s nomination. While it’s a clever idea, it doesn’t work when it feels like 100, most people are in business clothes, most people have sweat through their attire and it’s impossible to tell where the bad odor originates. It smelled bad everywhere. It’s going to smell bad tonight, intentional farts or not.

Before I left for the arena, I charged my phone. I used a fire extinguisher for balance.

Before my phone had enough battery, I saw Samantha Bee warrant the most attention in a room full of media.

Before the panels and lectures and protests and convention began, I bowed down to our corporate overloads AT&T.

After AT&T, Sam Bee, charged phones, farts, workers, malarkey and new dad’s Trump impression, President Obama pulled a President Obama. The consensus is the night 3 speech was another classic from a man that made his name at the 2004 convention. And to my surprise, no one is cashing in. We’re nearly done with the 2016 DNC and I have yet to see an Obama ’16 shirt, button or hat. The democratic party may be uniting, but the bootleg political vendors need to get their shit together.

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