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Married couple, parents, personal friends of the Obama’s, Beyoncé and Jay Z are donning ski masks and playing stadiums this summer. Like most adult multimillionaires, the performers appear to be heavily influenced by the fashion of Pussy Riot and the banking practices of Chase.

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As of now a Washington DC date is not on the tour itinerary. The nearest DC stops for the On The Run tour are Baltimore on July 7 at the M&T Bank Stadium and Philadelphia on July 5 at Citizens Bank Park. The date least likely to sell-out within a minute is June 28 in Cincinnati at the Great American Ball Park. Cincinnati in the summertime. Fun.

Tickets for Beyoncé’s 2013 Mrs. Carter Tour (she really likes her husband) dates at the Verizon Center sold-out in under a minute. So, good luck!

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