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Art Basel Miami Beach 2011

The ven diagram that is Art Basel Miami Beach looks pretty much like a pair of separate circles. We figured we’d run into at least some of the same folks at the hipster parties that were buying and selling masterpieces at the convention center (Basel’s homebase). And don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if both sets of folks don’t stand out in a crowd. These are CROWDS of crowd-standouts. Yet it’s day and night: the people who go to Basel to party can’t afford to buy the art. And the people who buy the art can’t afford to be seen with the peasants who go there to party…

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The stories of the free booze, the guestlists, hanging out with Robin Williams’ son.

Tip #1 for getting into Art Basel parties: Apparently if you go to the front entrance at the Delano hotel, just ignore the line of know-nothing peasants. Assemble whatever amount of God-given confidence you’re able to muster up and prepare yourself to act like you’re staying there. We still don’t know WHY this worked, but it did. Walk to the front of the line and when they ask if you’re a hotel guest, say: yes, Johnny Walker, room 519. They’ll let you right in. Is it a secret code? Perhaps. All we know is it got us into the Delano, Ian Shrager’s glitzy boutique hotel that seemed to be the epicenter of nightlife during Basel…

Tip #2 for getting into Art Basel parties: You are entitled to that little cabana next to the pool. It’s freakin’ sitting there empty and although you didn’t buy bottle service, it’s going to go to waste if you don’t just take it.

Tip #3 for getting into Art Basel parties: Come equipped. Stop by office depot and buy a clipboard.  Find out every person you know who is going to Art Basel (or whatever festival you’re attending).  LeBaron/Florida Room. Walking through the kitchen.

Tip #4 for getting into Art Basel parties: Do whatever you have to do to get media credentials. If you’ve got a media pass and the gift of gab, you can pretty much talk your way into ANYTHING. Don’t believe us? We flashed the stupid thing at two sets of bouncers and the security guards protecting Shepard Fairey from 500 fans, walked right up onstage in the middle of his set and proceeded to give him lessons on DJing (which he definitely needed). Not only was he receptive to our meddling criticism, he actually seemed quite ecstatic about it.

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Tip #5 for getting into Art Basel parties: this one isn’t really a party, but if you’re in Miami for Basel, there needs to be some lounging about by the pool. Might we suggest the Ritz Carlton?

Tip #6 for getting into Art Basel parties: art friends. Corcoran, NGA, Gallery buddies.

Tip #7 for getting into Art Basel parties: at this point do you still want to go to parties? They’re filled with

Tip #8 for getting into Art Basel parties: bring a Canty. If you do not know the legendary Canty family of Washington D.C., you should. The Canty’s always come in handy. Last year we had Siobhan Canty, who works for

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This year we’re bringing Brendan Canty, drummer for hardcore royalty Fugazi and general filmmaker extraordinaire.

Tip #9 for getting into Art Basel parties: Tranny with a Ferrari. It’s called the Eddie Murphy approach.

Breakfast spot, worst oatmeal and overflowed toilet.

Rolls Royce

The Cobrasnake and the Selby…  If the Sartorialist had been there we’d have hit the trifecta…

Oh darling, the kids have been

Bicycles, stayed with Siobhan Canty, sister of BYT fave Brendan & James Canty.

Bookstore party w/Shepard

That amazing theater

Microart, british guy…

Somebody told me imitation is the highest form of flattery. I call bullshit. Imitation is the lowest form of flattery. If you want to flatter someone… You wake up and it’s three months later trying to recall the weekend’s events. Not even that you were that drunk or stoned or… it’s just, each beach-side, pool-front hotel starts to blend in with the next in the… of early-December Miami.

http://emptyeasel.com/2006/11/18/how-to-judge-art-five-qualities-you-can-critique/

http://www.artnet.com/auctions/Pages/Common/Help/HowToValueArt.aspx

You can’t just go crazy and buy a bunch of shit. A real collector does the research, the due dilligence. Attending a festival is the same way. A post-mortem, three days afterwards, still has the stains of spilled wine on…

endemic Bert rodriguez

If it were outsider art, the relative blandness or gruesome atrocious.

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We called this: portrait of the artist as 3-year old, possibly mentally retarded kid.

The last thing anyone wants is for… vomitted some artwork all over the wall.

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Talk with Bert Rodriguez

Talk with Cobrasnake

Quote from Sheperd Fairey

Party to party to swimming pool. Deck at Ritz Carlton

Robin Williams’ son.

Story of Cobra snake not showing up to the Ritz Carlton with the ladies waiting by the pool.

The car-wrecking, the hipsters, the art

14,000 for a blank white canvas.

Who cleans up all this shit?

SA.BYT.AlbusCavus-1090

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ha, paid 150,000 for his car and has to wait for valet. wait! what a douche.

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