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This week, your calender of comedy events is brought to you by BABIES. These creatures are both inherently amusing as well as inherently kind-hearted. They only become evil once they learn to speak, which is why making faces and farting are the purest forms of comedy. That is the true meaning of the Story of Adam and Eve. Also it means don’t be gay. Double meaning.

ANYWAY HERE IS YOUR INFANTILE DAILY CALENDER OF COMEDY.

Monday:

Walk around screaming until someone buys you something.

Tuesday:

The Crystal City Sports Pub has a nice lil upstairs bar where father-son comedy team the Wilcoxes host a night of admirably uncomfortable laugh-therapy. It’s at 8:30 and there’s always a pretty sweet headliner.

Wednesday:

11th St. Lounge in Clarendon has The Battle of The Sexes where a bunch of male comedians talk about how women be shopping and a bunch of female “comedians” try to tell jokes like the boys and it’s precious. Please don’t hurt me. I have laser eyes.

Thursday:

Fucking shit on a stick it’s the fucking Aqua Teen Hunger Force Live Show at the State Theater. I hear there are unreleased clips and FUCKING PUPPETS. GOO GOO GAGA MOTHER FUCKERS

If you were a comedian named Bob Marley (Improv 13th-15th), wouldn’t you be forced at gunpoint to tell weed jokes? Thank god he resisted the impulse and just makes amazing Evil Kids jokes instead.

Friday:

Sabores Lounge open mic returns with jokes and prizes for Best Thing Found in Your Nose (second part probably something I made up). E-mail [email protected] for more information.

Saturday:

Last Comic Standing Not-winner Jeff Dye (Drafthouse Fri-Sat) is from Seattle and is hella cute.

Sunday:

Watch DVRd Parks and Recs finale. Drink Breast Milk.

In other news:

Yep, this really happened. SNL WIN

More mom-day stuff:

Jokes.com
Slovin & Allen – Letters from Grandma
comedians.comedycentral.com
Futurama New Episodes Funny Demon Zombie TV Show Funny TV Comedy Blog

Will Ferrell pitches a perfect game.

Brian Poeshen’s new video is just what it says on the box.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=104745969

Conan is kinda everywhere.

Micheal Ian Black does not want to go to the party.

Asperger’s Guy from Community talks about how annoying Joel Mchale really is (approximately 0% annoying)

The final yacht rock!

BEST TWITTER OF THE WEEK:

@verymarykate

  • Went hiking! Found a stick! Using that stick to trip the waiters at this restaurant! Cabo is fun! 3:47 PM May 8th via web

(not actually Mary Kate O. but still)

And finally for dessert:



Sorry Mom!


Add your own suggestions for anything we missed in the comments, or email us at [email protected]


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