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This week, we are brought to by– Redheads. Redheads have a rich cultural heritage and are often discriminated against, violently. Thus I have a dream. That one day redheads and regular people will be able to talk, live, and play together as equals. Did I say dream? I meant pornographic video tape, and I actually have dozens of them. Email me if you want to borrow one.

OK HERE IS YOUR RUDDY DAILY CALENDER OF COMEDY EVENTS.

Tuesday:

I know it’s sold out, but if there’s any chance of going to see Conan at Constitution Hall tonight I would take it. He’s the king of the redheads.

Oh, perhaps he isn’t really that funny at standup, but he’s a great host of a TV show and obviously a charming and intelligent dude. Wait did I hear the guy from Phish shows up at these concerts as well? Isn’t he also a ginger? That’s really not helping their case that redheads aren’t trying to conspire against normals. Good thing Reggie Watts is opening, his hair is perfectly non-threatening!

Wednesday:

Nothing says “Non-Threatening” like Jewish Women Of Comedy. They are all getting together at the 6th and I Synagogue to do something involving jokes, a round table, and cake–presumably bundt. It’s called:


7pm. Laughing at Ourselves: Jewish Humor and Women

Not Your Bubbe’s Sisterhood 1-year Anniversary Event

Which is a totally non-terrifying title for a thing. Please do not protest me.

Thursday:

Cheer up! It’s Thursday. Which mean I will be at Bonnaroo watching Aziz Ansari and Conan and Doug Benson and avoiding Margaret Cho. But cheer up, I am sure there’s something going on in DC that night…no? Oops. Errr…K BYE!

Oh wait I forgot Hot Broth at the Comedy Spot in the Ballston Mall! The Redheaded Stepchild of open mic nights, proverbially. I mean they work hard and are well-educated. What did you think I meant?

Friday:

Flaxen-bearded sex-god of guitar/laughterism Nick Thune is back in town at the Arlington Drafthouse tonight and Saturday. When he was in town for the Bentzen Ball he charmed everyone with his dry deft wits and impressive height and also with the love beams he shoots from his glittering steel-blue eyes.

YES HE IS DREAMY FINE. But can he sunburn his freckled face into a map of pre-WWI Northern Europe? NO. He is incredibly funny though.

Saturday:

All weekend (Friday-Sunday) Rob Schneider is going to be “makin copies” at the Improv. And then sleeping with any ugly women in attendance.

This show is a special event.

Sunday:

Fuck it.

In other news:
Last Comic Standing is much better with Craig Robinson as host.

You want to watch all of Rob Cordry’s new web series, Childrens Hospital, especially if you are a sick kid yourself.

Jockey Stud

Samantha Bee talks to the Washington Examiner (god knows why she chose that dishrag to discuss politics with. Perhaps she was being ironic.)

Cedric The Entertainer Plus Jerry Seinfeld Equals Equality for All Peoples

Hooray Peewee!!

Yes this is actually directed by David Mamet. Scan it: Perfect Iambs. Then scan Kristen Bell’s perfect limbs. Wokka Wokka.

How long before Tom Cruise turns entirely into his Gross-man character? Months or years?

BEST TWITTER OF THE WEEK:

@azizansari

1. #FUCKYOUBP #THISISYOUBP #FUCKYOUBP #MTVMovieAwards 7:28 PM Jun 6th via Echofon

And finally:

Redhead kids usually grow up to be insurance salesmen.

Be afraid!

Add your own suggestions for anything we missed in the comments, or email us at [email protected] THANKS

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