all photos: Rachel Eisley
models: Brock Boss (of Ra Ra Rasputin, Lode Runner and The Regiment) and Jeff Jetton
You’ve got a lot going on. Between the getting there early for the free Sparks at that dance party at DC9 and some Brooklyn-based band’s show at the Rock and Roll Hotel, not to mention all the art openings and the free movies and all of that looking in the mirror (plus some of you even have jobs), how can anyone expect you to see ten floors of art?
That’s where BYT comes in handy. We will we show you how to see everything you need to see in only 15 minutes.
First, some inspiration:
Viewing the sheer magnitude of this much art requires proper preparation.
First off, drink two Redbulls. It will give you the boost (or wings or whatever) to climb 12 flights of stairs and run through 10 floors worth of thousands of artists. Although it might wreck your guts, it is a small price to pay for the sake of art.
You can’t possibly stop and see every single one of these artists. Not in fifteen minutes. Nor would you want to. You’ve got that pillow fight in Dupont Circle to attend or some underground skate park in Shaw to crash. We understand.
Always stretch before you run. This is important. We don’t need to tell you this. Cramping up is only going to impede your ability to successfully navigate the behemoth that is Artomatic. Don’t bonk.
Okay, you’re loaded on Redbull and your muscles are loose. Let’s go.
If you have an iPod, set it to any early Bad Brains album or something in the Speed Metal category (Pantera or Suicidal Tendencies will do). You’ll want something to break a sweat to. The first leg is going to be the hardest.
Toss five dollars in the donation bin (don’t cheese out on this, people) and grab a map.
No need to stop and chat.
Skip right past the ground floor.
You’ve already seen any band that’s going to play at Artomatic. And you’ve seen the performance space at the BYT Relaunch Party.
Hit the stairs.
Artomatic starts on the 4th floor, so you’ve got some steps to climb.
Cristina Montejo (NW Quadrant)
Jesse Thomas (SW Quadrant)
Annie Lunsford (NW Quadrant)
Stop. Take a breather in the Scion Lounge
Amy Marshall (NW Quadrant)
Kelley A. Donnelly (SE Quadrant)
Kirk Waldroff (NW Quadrant)
Jeanette L. Herrera (NW Quadrant)
Steve Strawn (SW Quadrant)
Some demented Peeps exhibit. You know, the little marshmallow bunnies that explode when you microwave them.
If you’re a slow runner, you’re behind, skip this floor.
And start working out more. I mean really, it’s a fifteen minute work out. You’re pathetic.
Peter E. Harper (NW Quadrant)
Gregory Ferrand (NW Quadrant)
You’re almost to the top. 1 floor to go!
Just stop and check out the view. And enjoy some pizza and beer. You deserve it. There it is. 15 Minutes. 12 Floors. 10 Artists. You get the idea.
A few notes:
There is a metal lion somewhere in Artomatic. You will want to touch it. His mane is made of bent drill bits. Do not touch it. The drill bits will fall off. You will be embarrassed. We tested this out for you.
There is an artist named Dana Ellyn at Artomatic. Not sure whether it is a man or a woman, or what floor the exhibit is on, but he/she had some of the best artwork there.
Stop by if time permits and you can find it.
And finally, hurry! Artomatic closes on June 15th