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I, Queue Genius, am back for a short spell to tell you cineastes about two scary-as-shit white-knuckle gems (crossing fingers) that will be appearing at your local movie theatres, and not your netflix queues, very soon. Get ready for a special, non-Netflix, scary film, IQG!

First on IQG, South Koreans are Catholic, South Koreans are vampires. And then, Lars Von Trier makes me shed a Lars Von Tear…OF HORROR!!!

Bakjwi (Thirst) (South Korea, 2009) Unholy shit, you guys, what’s scarier than Catholicism gone Satanic!? Catholicism gone Satanic in a foreign language. Bakjwi is the new and apparently gorgeously filmed horror drama by Chan-Wook Park, who became the shit with his Oldboy Trilogy. With a keen eye for tone, mood and visual aesthetic, Park fashions a top notch horror film about a Catholic priest who selflessly lends himself to medicine in order to find a cure for a degenerative disease. Part vampire thriller, part classy bloodfest, Thirst will be undoubtedly one of the best films in the genre to come out in years. At ComicCon the film was being touted as one of the most disturbing in years. How do you say, “I’m scared and want my mommy” in Korean!?

(Denmark, 2009) Even scarier than Catholicism gone Satanic is Satanism on its own, going apeshit. And Lars Von Trier who is famous for his intense, highly-stylized films featuring helpless peeps drawn to absurdity and tragedy because of their effed up circumstances, presents his first “horror” film since his Danish tv series, Kingdom Hospital. What Antichrist does that Kingdom Hospital might not have, according to the critics at Cannes and other film festivals, is disturb you to the core. And can you think of a scarier actor than Willem Dafoe? Along with Charlotte Gainsbourg who plays his wife in a dying marriage, Dafoe manages to put himself through some of the most straight up effed up situations you’ve seen yet from Von Trier. Set in the deep creepball forests of Denmark, Von Trier constructs an utterly terrifying film that some crazy-ass horror film blogger so aptly named “horrific torture pornography.” So you know Lars Von Trier is pulling out all the Lars Von Trier stops! I’m scared and I want my mommy, for reals, yinz!

That’s all from IQG, young folksies. I’ll see you at el cine, security blanket, crucifix, and depressants in tow!