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Hi, is anyone out there? Is anyone not a member of the Summer Fridays Club? If so, I’M REALLY SORRY, but also you should just probably not do work today and instead watch OITNB S2 at your desk, because it’s really, really good, and YOU DESERVE IT.

I got pretty excited to watch it at the stroke of midnight, but then I remembered that stupid California ruins EVERYTHING, and so I fell asleep well before the 3am EST kickoff. INSTEAD, I just woke up super early, filled with all sorts of made-for-Netflix-television ambition, and at this point, I am on episode four. Now, I realize that not all of you may have  started watching yet, so I will do my best not to give too much away. That being said, though, I REALLY NEED TO TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS, SO DEAL WITH IT. Or do this from now on:

On the theme song, which remains unchanged and is still super annoying:

On Soso, or whatever the eff that new inmate’s name is who cries all the time:

On Christopher’s news:

On Red’s sad hair:

On Red’s non-sad hair:

On Pennsatucky’s sad teeth:

On Pennsatucky’s non-sad teeth:

On Vee:

On Healy:

On Boo and the PB +  dog:

On that one weird / bespectacled / star signs inmate:

On Alex Vause:

On having a million more episodes to go: