In honor of National Pet Day we’re publishing some of our favorite animal anecdotes. Wishing you and your hairy friend a happy holiday.
My parents’ miniature schnauzer has an iron — and insatiable — stomach. Not just doggo-faves like meat and cheese, but anything vaguely food-related that hits the floor is fair game. Breads, fruits, veggies, onion skins, expired capers: She doesn’t care. No broccoli though — she’s not a monster.
Once, she devoured an entire Halloween’s worth of leftover chocolate with no medical or digestive complications at all, nothing left as evidence of her crime but a neat pile of ravaged wrappers on the staircase landing.
But even among ravenous eaters, I’ve never seen the facial expression my brother and I saw on this dog when we found her plundering our sushi one evening. I swear to god we put the rainbow roll, two California rolls, and one sashimi sampler in the center of the coffee table, where nothing prefixed “miniature” should have had any shot at reaching it. And I further swear the wild-eyed, mad-with-flavor look on her canine face brought to mind the Tasmanian Devil getting his first taste of ambrosia. We flipped out. She flipped out.
Our evening ruined, we threw up our hands and tore at our clothes, screaming like the damned. Knowing the depth of her sin, if only based on the richness of the treasures she’d ingested, the dog cowered under the desk. We don’t strike pets, so she got off pretty easy.
Once our rage subsided, we found smug pleasure in the sour grapes of knowing that, for the epic eater, nothing would ever taste quite so good again.