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Welcome to A Pumpkin A Day, our new series highlighting the finest in fake pumpkin flavors! Beginning mid-September and running through whenever grocery stores and cafes stop selling pumpkin flavored seasonal treats, we’ll highlight one pointlessly pumpkin product per day.

Our last pumpkin loaf was a total success, and one of my favorite products so far, I still think about it and miss it on days when the pumpkin spice gets me down, so this loaf has a lot to live up to. Already it’s not looking good since I don’t generally want frosting on loaves. Frosting is for cakes.

That said, someone did a really nice job drawing straight lines in the cream cheese icing and there are no puns on the packaging so that bodes well.
Once I actually tried to cut a slice, it really stuck to the packaging which is really annoying. My slice came out as a crumbly mess which i don’t appreciate at all. Aesthetics count, especially during fall.

Weirdly, the first bite was good, but each subsequent bite was less good until I was laughing hysterically at how bad it is. It tastes like something someone who has never baked before would make if they didn’t look at any recipes and gave their best guess at how you make pumpkin loaf. It’s not repulsive, but it’s also not quite right.
The bread is pretty dry even though I’m eating it 6 days before the best by date. It definitely tastes like pumpkin and certainly has pumpkin pie spice in it, but it’s not good or satisfying. It’s barely scraping by as acceptable.

The frosting tastes like a spiced cream cheese frosting, exactly as it should. It’s definitely this product’s saving grace. At first I was mad that this bread is iced but now I’m grateful because it tones down the dryness. There’s a fine ratio of frosting to bread, especially when 1/4 of each slice of bread remains stuck to the cardboard.
All in all, not a winner. Whole Foods did pumpkin loaf better.


Pumpkin essence – 7. The bread tastes very pumpkiny.

Mouthfeel- 2. So dry.

Diabetes factor – 7. The frosting is very very sweet, but I don’t want to eat much of this so I probably just need compression socks.

Right to exist – 1. No. Make a cake or make nothing.

Feel of fall – 7. Spices, pumpkin and disappointment, so fall.