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Welcome to A Pumpkin A Day, our new series highlighting the finest in fake pumpkin flavors! Beginning mid-September and running through whenever grocery stores and cafes stop selling pumpkin flavored seasonal treats, we’ll highlight one pointlessly pumpkin product per day.

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First things first, I would still like to fight whoever does the writing on these Trader Joe’s boxes. I don’t know if they’re trying to draw on some non-existent sentimentality I have towards cookies and autumn and sprinkles, but it’s ineffective. How can cookies signal fall’s appearance? That doesn’t make sense, the changes in the air and the falling leaves show me that it’s autumn, not some boxed cookies on the shelf. Stay in your lane, Joe.

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I have to hand it to them, these guys are tasty. That said, I don’t get a pumpkin spice vibe at all. These taste like ginger snaps dipped in a light cream cheese icing, and that’s not at all a bad thing. It’s just not a pumpkin thing. The cookies have a lot of molasses and spices in them which is why they’re indistinguishable from ginger cookies.

These definitely taste like fall/winter because of the spices, but I wouldn’t say they’d cure a pumpkin spice craving.

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I thought the two icings were the same, but apparently the orange frosted cookies have a pumpkin spice flavored coating. I ate some of the coating on it’s own and it definitely did have a slight spiced flavor. I then tried the white frosting on its own and it tasted like chemicals and sugar, which is weird since these are natural. Maybe it was the wax from the sprinkles. They’re really heavy handed with the sprinkles.

The orange cookies are at least twice as good as the yogurt coated ones. They shouldn’t even bother with the white ones, they bring the whole bag down a bit.

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The cookies are incredibly sweet, so I don’t think you could eat more than a couple without feeling pretty nauseated. I think only children could eat a lot of these and not hate it, and I say that as someone with a massive sweet tooth.

I feel like these would be served on a festive platter at my aunt’s house on Thanksgiving, and they very well might be since she’s obsessed with Trader Joe’s.img_6828-jpg

Ratings

Pumpkin essence – 0. I taste no pumpkin.

Mouthfeel- 10. Appropriate cookie texture and a good ratio of icing to cookie.

Diabetes factor – 8. These are sickly sweet. I’d say potential to lose at least one foot.

Right to exist – 5. These are good, but I’d rather just have a bunch of frosted animal crackers.

Feel of fall – 5. There are spices in here.

 

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