Welcome to A Pumpkin A Day, our new series highlighting the finest in fake pumpkin flavors! Beginning mid-September and running through whenever grocery stores and cafes stop selling pumpkin flavored seasonal treats, we’ll highlight one pointlessly pumpkin product per day.
Popcorn is my favorite food. On at least 4 separate occasions people have told me I like popcorn, “a weird amount,” whatever that means. I like pretty much all sorts of popcorn, from kettle, to cheese, to SkinnyPop and Boom Chicka Pop’s normal corn. Nothing beats the Garret’s Mix. You know a popcorn is good when it has 585 five-star reviews. Anyway, I’m down to try some creative popcorn flavoring so let’s get into this Pumpkin Spice Popcorn.
Before I even take a bite I’m a little mad at it because the bag keeps telling me how much I’ll “love” the ingredients. I don’t want to love them, because you don’t know me popcorn bag!
I was right and the bag was wrong. I don’t love this popcorn. It’s weirdly the worst. The smell is kind of spicy and kind of unpleasant in an unidentifiable way. It’s not sweet like kettle corn, you can barely taste the spices and it looks like someone dropped it in the dirt.
The taste is not the worst, but it’s really, really not good either. I ate a whole plate of it, and it mostly tastes like nothing, but a lot of other people in the office actively hated it. I was just passively displeased.
Shockingly, the frosted pieces were somehow better than the unfrosted ones which makes no sense. The frosting reminded me of the one that comes with Toaster Strudel which is fine, but doesn’t necessarily belong on popcorn.
The bag says to eat these post-yoga but I think that’s way over stating their healthiness and appeal. Eat these when you’re already sad and they’ll be fine. If yoga bums you out then I guess, yeah, these are a good post-yoga snack.
Pumpkin essence – 0.There’s actually no pumpkin in these. Not even pumpkin pie spice.
Mouthfeel- 6. You can tell these are quality kernels so that’s nice, but the frosting’s softness is a bit weird.
Diabetes factor – 5. Less sweet than I want them to be, but they’re still frosted.
Right to exist –0. These are a mistake, please take them back.
Feel of fall – 1. Only pumpkin in the name.