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Girls is back for Season 3 THIS SUNDAY (1/12) with back-to-back brand new episodes, and seeing as one of the central themes of the show is emotional eating, I find it highly appropriate to tune in whilst shoveling food into your face. You COULD just go the Hannah route by emptying your entire fridge into your stomach, but just in case you’re feeling (slightly) less gross, here’s an entire dinner menu that can be enjoyed with friends OR for one (because who needs salt when you’ve got naturally occurring I-am-going-to-die-alone tears?!)!

Let’s begin with a stiff drink, because no one is trying to think about the impending doom of Monday while sober. Maybe this one is an obvious choice, but guess what? ANY EXCUSE TO DRINK GIN ON THE (Christian) LORD’S DAY IS A GOOD ONE:


Of course, no one should drink gin on a non-cheese-filled stomach, so let’s introduce our fromage course next, shall we? You can feel great about eating an entire wheel of brie so long as it’s got a festive name like this one:


And let’s not forget to throw some good old fashioned protein into the mix for our main course! If you ARE consuming this dinner by yourself, you can pretend that THESE guys are your friends, because things with eyes are kind of like people! (People you will eventually put into your mouth.)


Your brain may be telling you that you’re full at this point, but that is a lie, and you shouldn’t pay any attention to those signals. Instead, you should embark on a double dessert course, because it’s what Hannah would want for us. Let’s begin with this little number:


Followed up by this one, which you can feel healthy about because berries or whatever! (COME TO US, ANTIOXIDANTS.)


If done properly, the above menu items should see you through until at least ten minutes into the first episode. Repeat and eat as you feel necessary (perhaps up to eight times if you feel a wave of Horvath OCD wash over you), and always ask yourself: WWHD? (What Would Hannah Devour?) Godspeed, citizens of the world, and let us pray for a bountiful season of Girls with minimal scenes of ruptured eardrums.