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Catherine Dorman is a BYT intern. We’re having her try at least one new thing each week. This week we asked her to guess the political affiliations of The Hill’s 50 Most Beautiful.

Every year, for reasons I’ll probably never understand, Capitol Hill staffers are ranked in terms of beauty/hotness. Since we’re blatantly judging people based on looks at this point, we decided to test if I could guess the political affiliation of each staffer on the hot list, based just on looks. Going into this I didn’t have any criteria for what would make a hot Democrat vs a hot Republican. I was going to base this purely on vibes and stick with my gut choice.
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I think I did pretty well. I only got 19 wrong, which may not sound great, but comes out to 62%, and that’s 20% higher than the voter turnout for the last congressional election so… It’s all relative, really. What really messed me up and led to 11 of my wrong answers were the unaffiliated and Independent hot people on the list. I’m pretty sure they’re cheating. I’m not sure how, but they’re cheating. And why are news people on this list anyway? I guess it’s a little on me for not catching on and marking anyone with a CNN or PBS background as “unaffiliated.” Oh well.

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By the end of the list I developed a firm belief that Republicans smile differently in photos. I can’t put my finger on how, but it’s just there. It might be something in the eyes, I don’t know. Overall they just look slightly more plastic and posed in front of the camera. I can’t say they look more polished because everyone obviously put on their best duds for the shoot and styled their hair and faces to look extra attractive, but it looks like they all went to the same workshop on how to pose for disconcerting glamor shots. It’s not that their smiles are all the same size or shape, it’s the quality of what’s behind the smile, if that makes sense. A lot of them also place their hands unnaturally, but some Democrats did this too and it confused the hell out of me. All I know is that someone taught them to pose like this and I want to know where and when. Do they go to a hot Republican photo camp when they get a job on the Hill? Do you have to submit head shots when applying?

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Turns out I also have preconceived ideas about what Republican vs Democrat haircuts look like, especially on dudes. Anything that has a lot of height, the plastic-y quality of a Ken doll’s hair, or looked generally fussy I assumed was Republican hair. I was not always correct. Maybe Mitt Romney is the reason I associate Republicans and carefully-styled hair.

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One unaffiliated news guy threw me for a loop because he sports an interesting fusion of the swoopy cut first worn by Justin Bieber (post-Baby era, pre-bleach and tats) and the cut for balding old white dudes (maybe with weaves) like Donald Trump and Boris Johnson have more recently sported, especially in terms of blonde-ness and unnatural placement.

 

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One lady looked a lot like my aunt, wore a suit like my aunt, and was from Illinois like my aunt, so I assumed that she was a Republican like my aunt, but I was wrong. Turns out some things are only skin deep.

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In total there are 23 Democrats, 15 Republicans, 7 Independents and 5 unaffiliated people on the list. Can we apply these stats to the general population and say there are more hot Democrats than Republicans? I don’t know. But based on my fixation with how unnerving I find the Republican smiles in these photos, it’s probably obvious that I’d subjectively say yes. And it’s all subjective really isn’t it? Just be thankful its a hot list rather than a not list. Image result for toddlers and tiaras gif

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