Oh hey and welcome back to another semi-embarrassing display of my love of soccer! We have plenty more World Cup drama to discuss, so let’s get into it RIGHT NOW!

WOW WOW WOW we are COMIN’ AROUND THE BEND TO THAT HOME STRETCH, Y’ALL!

Let’s talk about Friday’s Quarter-Finals first. France broke my heart AGAIN by beating the only other main horse (besides Argentina, RIP) that I had in this race, aka Uruguay. The final score was 2-0, and everything hurt!

Things did not improve for South America in the afternoon, either. Brazil had an upsetting loss to Belgium, with a final score of 1-2. Granted, Belgium played a stellar game and should not be discredited for that, but C’MON, IT’S BRAZIL.

Yesterday, England proved that it may indeed be coming home (whatever that means) with a 2-0 victory over Sweden. Sincerest condolences to my Swedish friends, and shout-out to my British ones who are now able to keep the meme LOLs going for at least a few more days.

And the match the whole world was waiting for – Croatia v. Russia – saw the host nation fall in PKs, one of which was particularly humiliating – Fernandes (a naturalized Russian citizen, but Brazilian born) missed the goal entirely.

I can’t say I’m too bummed that Russia is out since, as someone joked, this might have been their biggest win since the 2016 election. That’s not to say I have strong feelings towards Croatia, either, but I guess no one holds a special place in my heart at this point.

2018 losers now read as follows: Russia, Sweden, Brazil, Uruguay, Mexico, Japan, Switzerland, Colombia, Argentina, Portugal, Spain, Denmark, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Morocco, Peru, Costa Rica, Serbia, Tunisia, Panama, Poland, Iran, Australia, Iceland, Nigeria, Germany, South Korea and Senegal.

Enjoy your day off, ’cause now we are officially onto the Semi-Finals! Tuesday it’s France v. Belgium at 2pm, and Wednesday it’s England v. Croatia at 2pm. (Pretend you’ve got a dentist appointment or some shit, ’cause you’re not gonna wanna miss these matches for a lame old thing called “work”.)

Headlines of interest:

  • In news that will likely surprise no one, England fans wilded the fuck out after Saturday’s win against Sweden and not only damaged an ambulance, but set a record for emergency distress calls.
  • And Swedish players got a rude awakening the morning of Saturday’s match after there was a false alarm that forced the squad to evacuate their hotel.
  • Croatian defender Domagoj Vida narrowly avoided a post-match ban after he was caught saying “glory to Ukraine” in the match against Russia on Saturday afternoon.
  • Ukrainian goalkeeper Mikhail Gotra (FC Karpaty) was fired, meanwhile, for his cheering of the Russian squad this World Cup.
  • Here’s why it’s not a great idea to buy a player during the World Cup.
  • Spanish coach Fernando Hierro has stepped down from his role after the embarrassment of this tournament. He only held the role for about thirty seconds – it was a temporary placement due to Julen Lopetegui being fired just before the World Cup.

I’ll be checking back in on Friday morning with updates and results on the Semi-Finals, who’s going to the FINAL this weekend AND any other bonkers news that might happen between now and then! For now, good luck to you all, unless you’re rooting for someone I am not rooting for! (Currently I am not rooting for anyone, so we’re all in the clear!)

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