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The Citi Open is a tournament for fans of tennis but more importantly it’s a tournament for people who have never seen a match. Not only do you get nine days of intense, athletic, incredible games of tennis but you also get specialty cocktails, delicious food, outside events and have you seen some of the gams on these folks? Look, we’re not here to objectify anyone because tennis is a cunning game of skill, like Scrabble (a game I can’t ever seem to win, WHY), but we can’t help but point out a few of our favorites who will be gracing DC with their presence this August. Check them out below and soak in the full player lineup here.

GIVEAWAY ALERT: We’re giving away a pair of tickets to the Opening Main Draw Session, Monday August 3rd. These are lower level, reserved seats people! To win ’em, tell us in the comments section below what your tennis walk-on song would be if you were a tennis superstar. Best answer wins. Good luck!

Andy Murray

He’s Scottish and if there is one thing I’ve learned about the Scottish, from the STARZ TV show Outlander, it’s that they’re feisty, sexy, brave, they enjoy whiskey and time travel is completely possible. He recently placed 4th in the Australian Open which is a pretty strong finish. Like Stonehenge strong.

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Victoria Azarenka

She is one half of a doubles team currently ranked 420 in the world. 420. The great thing about tennis is, it’s quiet enough to hear EVERYTHING including the grunting noises of its players. Azarenka has a grunt so famous that Redfoo from LMFAO (yea the hamster people) used it in a song. No joke.

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Kei Nishikori

This man is a rock star God in the tennis world. He is the first Asian male player to reach a Grand Slam singles final (2014 US Open) and was on the cover of Time Magazine in January. He’s like the Kanye West of tennis or at the very least the Meatloaf at his height of fame.

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Eugenie Bouchard

Whew, check out these accomplishments: first Canadian to reach the finals of a Grand Slam in Singles at the 2014 Wimbledon Championships, she reached the semi-finals of the 2014 Australian Open and French Open, AND she won the 2012 Wimbledon girls’ title. Plus, as a Canadian she can take comfort in knowing her country legalized gay marriage 10 years ago. O Canada, my Canada.

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Marin Čilić

Oh oh, it’s time for an Eastern Bloc party! At 6′ 6″ he’s a man to be tangled with and you better bring a pair of scissors to this racket fight if you want to win. He’s the current U.S. Open champ and has won 13 ATP (Association of Tennis Professionals) singles titles.  You do not want to mess with unlucky number 13. Also, I would almost rather watch Marin on IFC instead of Maron.

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Lleyton Hewitt

FINALLY, someone in their 30’s. Hewitt has been in the game for 17 years and was recently praised by his BFF Roger Federer saying this guy has been leading the pack for quite a while. Also, Hewitt has sports in his blood. His father is a former Australian Rules Football player, his mother a physical education teacher and his sister a former tennis coach and bodybuilder. His brother-in-law is a stand up comic but we won’t count that against him.

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Ekaterina Makarova

She’s number 2 in Russia and the ONLY player to be ranked in the top 10 in both singles and doubles. And Ekaterina is left-handed. THAT’S THE DEVIL’S HAND. We kid…DO WE?

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Grigor Dimitrov

This guy has a sense of humor. He recently Tweeted out a pic of himself hanging upside from a bar on a moving London Underground train, promising folks that if he wins Wimbledon he’ll roll upside down on the court (what is that, like a somersault?). Great, bring some of those fun times to DC. Bonus, his nickname used to be Baby Fed which we assume means he looks like a younger Roger Federer and does not in fact suggest he might enjoy eating babies.

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John Isner

 If you’re feeling patriotic (and based on recent historical events YOU BET YOU ARE) then you’ll love North Carolina born and raised John Isner. He’s currently the highest-ranked male American tennis player and is one of the highest-ranked humans, at 6’10”. Isner faced Nicolas Manut in the longest match in history at the 2010 Wimbledon Championships. I guess everything he does is big.

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Mike and Bob Bryan

IDENTICAL TWIN BROTHERS WHO PLAY TENNIS TOGETHER. Need we say more.

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