As of Sunday afternoon, the U.S. Botanic Garden’s prized, huge Amorphophallus Titanum officially bloomed. But the flower, who’s name literally translates to “Misshapen Dick Giant,” has its own little secret: at least at the U.S. Botanical Gardens, it just doesn’t smell that awfully.
Seriously, even though it’s fucking massive, there’s really no scent to it. So, after careful somewhat-rushed-because-there-was-a-line observation, here are 10 things that smell worse than the corpse flower, plus a couple more phallic images to haunt your dreams:
- Every sweaty tourist visiting the flower
- A bro‘s armpit after a Friday night in Adams Morgan.
- The ounce of weed someone accidentaly brought into the Botanical Gardens.
- Obamacare
- Romneycare
- New York City
- Paul Ryan’s gym sneakers
- That half-eaten pad thai chilling in my trunk
- The Washington Capitals’ locker room.
- Any bus leaving Union Station
