A password will be e-mailed to you.

As of Sunday afternoon, the U.S. Botanic Garden’s prized, huge Amorphophallus Titanum officially bloomed. But the flower, who’s name literally translates to “Misshapen Dick Giant,” has its own little secret: at least at the U.S. Botanical Gardens, it just doesn’t smell that awfully.


Seriously, even though it’s fucking massive, there’s really no scent to it. So, after careful somewhat-rushed-because-there-was-a-line observation, here are 10 things that smell worse than the corpse flower, plus a couple more phallic images to haunt your dreams:

  1. Every sweaty tourist visiting the flower
  2. A bro‘s armpit after a Friday night in Adams Morgan.
  3. The ounce of weed someone accidentaly brought into the Botanical Gardens.
  4. Obamacare
  5. Romneycare
  6. New York City
  7. Paul Ryan’s gym sneakers
  8. That half-eaten pad thai chilling in my trunk
  9. The Washington Capitals’ locker room.
  10. Any bus leaving Union Station

IMG_1575 IMG_1584