All words: Morgan Day, Daphne Bolotas, Joey Schaefer, Brandon Weight

Tinder, the Hot-or-Not of actually trying to get laid, is your best replacement for Candy Crush pre-Valentine’s Day. In that you can use it on the Metro, on the Bus, or waiting in line at Chipotle, but actually connect to another human. Follow these 10 commandments, and you may just need to find a restaurant that doesn’t need reservations on Friday.

 

  1. If a guy and girl are matched it is expected for the guy to message first.
2. If someone says something along the lines of “do you like smoking, drinking, and going buck wild” or “Marriage. Now” they aren’t serious about meeting up.
  1. If your friend shows up on tinder you have to “like” them, even if there is no romantic interest.

  2. Blocking someone is not a tinder faux pas if you receive a really inappropriate message.

  1. Starting conversations off with stupid witty comments isn’t effective. I.E. “I wish you were my big toe so I could bang you on my coffee table.” Do that for reactions, not to get laid.

  2. Starting conversations off with kind comments is effective. I.E. “How was your day.” Do that because you’re genuinely interested and intend to follow up with questions about their day.

  1. Considering Tinder is based purely on looks, it’s okay for a guy to include a compliment in the first message. A girl would actually prefer this, as long as it’s subtle.

  2. Don’t set your age limit unreasonably. Above the drinking age, below Social Security age. You don’t want to Tinder preteens. You could get a lewd photo from someone with an AARP magazine subscription*.

9.  Bring a Tinder buffer to dates. 1% for safety. 99% because THIS IS A RANDOM PERSON YOU MET OFF THE INTERNET USING TIPS LIKE THESE TO GET IN YOUR PANTS AND IT COULD GET SUPER AWKWARD.

  1. Don’t take Tinder seriously. It’s for shits and giggles. People use Tinder while shitting and/or giggling*.

*It’s happened to one of these writers.

Have your own tips / shameful experiences / shameful comments for the writers who use Tinder? Comment below and swipe to the right.

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