BrightestYoungThings: Tops and Bottoms: This Week in Pop Culture Dominance

This has certainly been a SCANDALOUS week, what with Paula Deen coming out of the closet (more on this below), the Costa Concordia crash off the coast of Italy (cruises are bullshit anyway), and with Rick Perry (finally) dropping out of the presidential race. There is a shit ton of really fun stuff to cover, but of course, not all of it can be included. I'm sure some of you are happy about this.

Without further ado...

1. Hardcore Top: An 8-Year-Old's First Hardcore Song

So there wasn't much in the way of dancing videos this week, but this awesome video surfaced, satiating my thirst for amateurs doing really ridiculous things. This video was only posted yesterday and already has over 60 thousand views - amazing! Apparently Juliet is some sort of Internet celebrity with several videos posted to Youtube.

Damn, I wish my parents had had the foresight to do something this awesome for me when I was younger. I mean, my sister and I have music videos, but they're all on VHS somewhere in someone's basement. If I had been born into the age of Youtube, maybe I would have been an Internet celebrity!

Maybe...

In a world where little girls are more likely to be entered into beauty pageants and sing princess songs, I think this totally rocks. Stay tuned for more from Juliet. I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll be hearing from her.

2. Talkative Top: Shit People In DC Say

Where to start? This clip is just epic. Living in a world where almost everything is predicated on what you do for a living, it was only a matter of time before someone in DC actually jumped onboard the "Shit _ Says" trend and made a video that covers the rhetoric of the nation's capital. I mean, this whole segment must have pretty much written itself, but only this guy was clever enough to piece it all together. Or fast enough, rather, beating someone else to the punch.

I'm still waiting for "Shit People in SF Say," but I think this clip will have to do it for now. I mean, it pretty much covers it, anyway.

Here is a picture of Jessica Simpson wearing a gross deformed penis mask, if you are totally over the "Shit _ Says" trend.

A little something for everyone.

3. Creative and Versatile: Douchebag Badges

So, I am officially obsessed with the site Pleated Jeans, and you should be too. They collect really awesome fun stuff from the Internet and share it for your enjoyment - kind of like what I do here. On second thought, don't be obsessed with Pleated Jeans - they may put me out of a job.

In any case, they also create special little gems like the one above that make you question your existence. For instance, in glancing the sheet over, I can regretfully collect 5 badges. Now, I won't tell you which ones. But I will seriously reconsider my life choices. Yikes.

To make myself feel a little better, here are two douchebags who deserve their own badge - the Violating Works of Art badge.

Gay.

4. Wet Bottom: The Gayest Music Video Ever?

Watch out, Cazwell, there is a new player in town!

At first I was kind of worried that I would be oddly turned on by this music video. But in watching it, it's actually kind of laughable and quite gross. Maybe I should warn you it's NSFW. And if you just don't give a flying fuck, you can click here and see the unrated version. It's not really my thing, either, but hey - some of you may be into it.

Am I the only one on the planet who thinks this is hotter than that video?:

5. Sickly Bottom: Paula Deen Has Diabetes...

... not that anyone is surprised. The celebrity "chef" has been under scrutiny for her ridiculously unhealthy recipes for such a long time that it should come as no surprise that she herself has suffered from the stuff she shoves down her throat (and other people's throats, for that matter). Many have come out against her - mostly, I still like watching her ride the stick of butter on what looks like a 16-bit Rainbow Road.

Personally, I think that Paula just wanted to join the extremely exclusive, "Julian's List of Cool People Who Have Diabetes." The list is short, but the list is amazing. Participants include:

Fat Mac from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"