I was expecting a really hot and steamy week after last week’s Darren Criss explosion, but sadly, I’ve been let down – nothing sexy has happened. Pregnant Jessica Simpon is not doing it for me, either. Someone remind me why we even care about her anymore, anyway?
Oh, that’s why – not even born yet and that baby is already making her money. Good for her, I guess? Why couldn’t she do something nice and wholesome, like this week’s Thoughtful Top?
1. Thoughtful Top: Time-Lapse Pregnancy Is Time-Lapsy and Very Pregnant
I love this. It has got to be really amazing when you are with someone who is really thoughtful, who you plan something out with, and you follow through with it. Instead of terrifyingly cheesy portraits of mom and dad standing together cradling an enormous bump on a beach or something, these two decided to make a video time-lapse of their soon-to-be daughter.
If these two are this thoughtful and creative already, just imagine what the Christmas presents will look like. Fucking hipsters.
Is it too much to pair stairs and a pregnant woman? Probably. Oh well.
2. Made-Up Top: Get Your Ass Chola-Fied
If you follow Internet memes and trends the way I do, you probably remember this chick:
It was only a matter of time before celebrities also received the chola-fying treatment. Visit the tumblr where you can find plenty more, but here are some of my favorites. Goodbye, spare time; hello, procrastination.
Katniss Everdeen of “Hunger Games” fame, AKA Jennifer Lawrence of Barrio 12
Leo DiCaprio circa “Titanic”
That chick who plays iCarly on, “iCarly,” aptly named “Ay Carly” for this photo
What will they think of next?
3. Relevant Top: vitaminwater Knows About Memes, Too
So, marketing teams are really hip these days. And I’m not just saying that because they pretty much have done my job and incorporated it into a commercial to sell their product. Okay, maybe that is why I’m saying it. But it doesn’t make them any less hip.
What do you think – will this sell more Vitamin Water? Personally, I’ve had about three of their flavors and they all taste pretty much like sugar to me. And that is not a good thing.
How many memes can you count? I count 12. Am I missing any?
4. Dancing Tops: Superhero Disco Dance Party!
“Superhero Disco Dance Party” may be four of my favorite words on the entire planet. Those four words in the same sentance is almost skull-crushingly too good to be true in a cosmos-about-to-cave-in-on-itself kind of way. Too. Much. Good. Stuff.
But Brazil has got it on lock when it comes to making awesomeness happen, as demonstrated by all those costumed crusaders on the dance floor getting down. And look at all those Catholic schoolgirls! They must be doing SOMETHING right.
In the same vein, Ellie Kemper, who happens to be one of my television and movie heroes, is seen to be quite the Dance Dare professional. If you don’t know what a “Dance Dare” is, then definitely watch the clip and try it out on some unsuspecting strangers this evening:
Both of the parties above sure look better than this piss party (not to be confused with “shit show,” which is in the same family):
5. Forever Alone Bottom: The First iPad Game … For You AND Your Cat!
It’s here! It’s finally here! Now there is a game you can play in which both you AND your cat can be equally entertained (or bored). At least, that’s what Friskies is saying. To find out more, visit this site, because I’m not going to go too deep with this one, but it looks like a really awesome way to fuck up a perfectly good iPad.
Personally, if I ever have a cat, I would prefer to play this game:
The former just seems like a really good excuse to never leave the house and meet people.
That’s it for this week, folks – have a great weekend!
Oh, and did you know Jennifer Lopez’s stunt double is a man? That’s pretty rad – nice hair, dude.