I am happy to report that 3 weeks into my whirlwind romance with “Top Chef Just Desserts”, I am still as head-over-heels as ever. The show continues to be the gayest (both as in happy and as in homosexual), most hilarious, most dramatic, most visually appealing slice of competitive reality TV ever.
This week, I am happy to report, NO ONE has forgotten or forgiven Seth for being a douchetard and a crybaby last week, that Zac may actually succeed in coining “Have you been snorting buttercream?” as a legit catchphrase without any backlash, that BRAVO has caught onto the Yigit-sensation-sweeping-the-gay-nation and opened the show with a lingering shot of him wearing nothing but his boxer briefs
and that the challenges just keep getting better and better.
The quickfire involved (and this was pure genius) MAKING A WEDDING CAKE FOR SYLVIA WEINSTOCK (who, lets face it, stole the hearts of millions last night and Rachel Zoe will probably start wearing those sunglasses in her next season) IN 1.5 HOURS.
Now, even if you don’t care about the wedding industry phenomenon you know that a freakin’ wedding cake takes FOR-E-VER (as Heather H explained: “I like to bake one day, cut and sandwich the next, and spend the third day just decorating”) so having pie making time to make one IS INSANE AND AWESOME AND WAS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN TO WATCH.
Which it was. The frosting and fondant was flying around, the cakes were falling apart, the decorating utensils were about to cut people’s hands off and Seth and his evil twin neck bump decided not to make a wedding cake but a dessert. BECAUSE HE DOES NOT MAKE WEDDING CAKES. Sylvia scolded him for it. I love Sylvia.
Anyway, Malaka did not finish again and cried (with Seth (wtf?) telling her not to) and the results were positively comical from the chocolate on speed thing Zac did to the lopsided Erik production (aside from Morgan’s who somehow produced a very classy looking number and Erika (who won and won immunity) and Heather H both of whom are quickly setting themselves up for a face-off in the finale, if you ask me)
There are no photos of the proper winning dessert online so I’ll just leave you with some of the HIGH INTENSITY moments from the challenge:
Which brings us to the final challenge: A COMPETING BAKE SALE FOR THE GLEE TEAM AND THE CHEERLEADING TEAM.
OH MAN. Where do I start explaining to you how amazing I think this idea is? Not only does it pit the artsy nerds vs. the pom pom wielding popular kids in a fashion that no person who ever was a teenager (or watched a John Hughes movie or Tuesday night FOX) could instantly relate to but it also resulted in this description of his team by Zac: “Seth’s obviously the jock, I am like the nerdy drama kid, Yigit’s the arty kid, Danielle is totally the valley girl, like, “lets go to the mall and make out in the back of your car, like”, and Heather C is that girl that has just been broken up with, over, and over, and OVER again”
Which means that Erika, Heather H, Morgan, Eric and Malika were on the Pep squad team.
Now, a bake sale is tricky because they did have to make sweets kids would like (since it was about fake selling the cakes to people) but still being creative and awesome.
So straight up Heather and Erika got stuck with making cookies which one of them took well, the other took poorly and we knew that was a bad omen. Seth announced that he doesn’t bake (he doesn’t do anything really, it seems) so he was going to make a financier mocha with creamsicle cream, all rules be damned and people went merrily along their business.
I never really know what anyone is ever doing on Top Chef just desserts but I do know that it is really fun to watch. Heather did take all of peanut butter SO MORGAN TOOK ALL THE REGULAR BUTTER (oh, so it’s sabotage time?????) and that was basically the major drama involved but in the end, everyone finished their stuff and the bake sale in the school cafeteria started.
Here are some notes about tasting that I remember:
- Danielle’s salty caramel frosting was delicious but the cake was dry
- Morgan’s cupcakes sold out first
- Yigit’s Chocolate caramel was just too spicy
- Eric’s peanut butter/nutella crispy bar was delish
- Seth cannot be around kids because he will swear to much (of course he will)
- Zac’s strawberry shortcake had rainbow sugar on top (of course it did)
- Heather C’s cookie was too plain
and some other stuff.
In the end, by 10 dollars the Pep Squad won (the look of sheer devastation on the GLEE club faces was enough to make you cry) and Eric’s peanut butter/nutella crispy bar was the clear winner in the end. Yay Eric! You’re a baker and you won the bake sale! Life, it finally has some symmetry.
The Glee club got into a fight in front of the judges and while somewhat unclassy, it was so perfectly high school you just waited for Danielle’s claws to come out and scratch Seth. The judges told Seth to get off of his high “I’m educating people about dessert” horse, informed Yigit that he was the lowest seller of all and finally sent Heather home for her peanut butter cookie. Which we all knew would happen ALL ALONG, but I do think she left way too early.
HOW WAS IT FOR YOU??