As you know, we know, he/she/it knows, Fiona Apple has emerged from her five-year hiatus with a new album and, even more recently, a slew of additional North American tour dates(!) So if you missed her last pass through the District, you’re in extraordinary luck because you have not one but two dates coming up and not one but two chances to win free tickets before they even go on sale. (Who do you love?)
We’ve got one pair of tickets to Fiona’s Warner Theatre stop on June 26 and another pair for her June 20 Lyric Opera House show in Baltimore.
Though it’s still a mouthful, as far as wordiness is concerned The Idler Wheel is wiser than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords will serve you more than Ropes will ever do barely rivals 1999′s When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king what he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight and he’ll win the whole thing ‘fore he enters the ring there’s no body to batter when your mind is your might so when you go solo, you hold your own hand and remember that depth is the greatest of heights and if you know where you stand, then you know where to land and if you fall it won’t matter, cause you’ll know that you’re right (TL;DR see below video).
So to win, give us you best lengthy, whimsical album title and hold nothing back. There will be TWO winners to this contest so you’ve got double the chances. Have at it, dreamers. (Ps. Be sure to tell us which location, D.C. or Baltimore, you’d prefer to see. No guarantees, but we’ll try to accomodate your request -Ed.)
Better To Be Flying On Cheap Wine Than Drunk With Passion This Man Is Smashing Me To Pieces When All I Want Is Some Peace.
[DC please]
Brass Knuckles Rise Like Demented Sun Over Heavy Corpus Gleaming As Blood Spatters Like Manna From Heaven
(DC, please)
An infinite score of Facebook whores shan’t underscore the ebb and flow of my soul love gravy train for Ms. Cleo or Señor Leonore…FURTHERMORE I retract all nipslip blunders, un-gravy updates, sexts or psychic predictions less the Pawn hit the fan, feel me not through the internet veil, this miss beats down a punk with an iPhone stage left, be live not broadcast, ride on alive and be right gravy with the world vibration. DC purdy please
Ryan Gosling and Gene Wilder Tangerine Zoobilee Zoo Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen Rocking Chair Shampoo.
Washington, DC.
Have never Fiona in concert . Would love to take my wife to see her perform “Criminal” at the Lyric in Baltimore.
The kitchen counter cleaner won’t make things clean and your earnest turns of phrase forsake future farthings-worth of truths is what was written on the fortune cookie you threw right at me.
I didn’t mean to, but I forgot to say I’d prefer The Warner Theatre in DC. Though either venue will do!
Winners have been selected! Check your emailz.
“The Misadventures of the Little Girl that Could. Or at Least She Thinks So”
close to the bone make an armor from your fear heads bent guns drawn and the softest sound you’ll hear that woman making change and talking trash, talking to herself, learning the words to a world gone by. if nothing else (Washington DC.)
Album Title = Pondering About Life’s Meaning as I Devour This Berkshire Pork Belly Side Dish, Which Really Only Compliments the Main Course, as its Saltiness Accentuates the Sweet Flavor of the Short Braised Rib
Washington DC (Warner Theater)
Mornings are lavender, soggy orange, infant sunlight dripping into soft muted blue. It’s hot already—the sliding glass doors closed and their presence I rue; slid ungracefully open with a rolling rip, I dance in the summer hue.
DC please!
You’re the best…AROUND! No one’s ever gonna keep ya down!!! Straight cash, homey the grizzly bear hunts his prey standing on his soapbox while the world waits for its homemade Pop-Tart with two snaps and a twist.
Oh yea, preferably DC, thank you.
Proposed Fiona album title:
“Groceries I need, let me bring you to speed: There’ll be lettuce and carrots and peas, if you please. Don’t bother with bacon or chicken or jerky. I’m a vegan, you see, so not even a turkey.”
That poetic, emotion drenched waif is one of the closest things I have ever had to religion.
The misadventures of Sweet Butternuts Jackson in Chocolate City, batteling against The Meloncoly Roller Derby Girls of Petworth, that seek the truth under the Cherry Blossom Moon, Marion Barry has ashy elbows.
The world keeps spinning till its no longer needed, Our hearts keep beating till the love is gone, We’ll still listen till the music is gone but in the end we still fight till be all get along.
Forgot to say that I’d prefer DC….but I’d honestly go anywhere for a chance to see her perform
Your aesthetics are anaesthetic this world is bull-y-ish-bullshit my muscles are so big as a result of mysore yoga and sore.
“When the world is Bullshit but no one knows it, and Misogyny forces itself down your throat like a coke drip, Just strip down to your undergarments and do a nice little twirl, So the world can see you’re not just a woman, But a Bad Girl”
Either DC or Baltimore, but DC if it’s possible
“The liars attic is befitted with many statuses, but the lanes are driven freely in the winter counting how many starts you may flick which is quickening unknowingly to my listening ears they do feel heated under your warming breathy wings slimming like a crescent moon under the imposter of a sky diving into my heart and out of the urethra of my throat.” D.C. please.
When the moment is nigh and the destiny great for the moment of truth when the giant enters the ring the competition ensues for mortal combat where gladiators thirst for the prize entwined in hefty competition for no loser can partake in the spoils but hard what noise through yonder circle shoots out like a ricochet with a flame thrower to the sky where holy rollers fear to go in anticipation of the second coming into the here and now for which we are grateful with apprehension but in the measure of outcomes will be one victor high as a kite declared winner. Oh, and he’ll most likely prefer tickets to the Baltimore show.
luminous madfolk & wondrous fools, when you see mountains know they can be moved
DC
Zip Zop Zoobity Bop Boo Bip Bop Zop Zip Zip Bopity Zoop
I’d take either.
And so the hunt begins, we prey, we prey, we pray.
DC pwease
I’m Nowhere Near as Talented as Fiona Apple, So I’m Just Going to Capitalize the Letters of This Reply So That It Somewhat Resembles a Lengthy Album Title (BYT, Why Don’t You Love Us Uncreatives?).
I’m open to either show, but prefer DC.
when you were young and warm and alive and the sun breathed and the moon sang and didnt it feel good to feel the grass underneath your feet and the dandelions behind your ears and your hand in mine did you forget how the summer lit you on you on fire?
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious-ness
Fiona in DC!
This World is Bullshit/you shouldn’t model your life (wait a second) you shouldn’t model your life/about what you think that we think is cool/and what we’re wearing/and what we’re saying/and everything. Go with yourself. Go with yourself.
Shoes, I say shoes, are the galumphing windows to a soul left hidden in the pouring snow buckets lost forever until the Ship comes ashore Swallowing in its whale mouth until buxomly exploding out like a nuclear gosling playing in the asbestos mist.
what i like about this and you and all the hours of the days that we spend together
(DC, if you please)
Orifices in open night thrust down in Brittle Time to See the Boughs of Abject Shame the Broken Ministers cut their dead away
prefer DC but baltimore would also be amazzzizing