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This One Time: My Amateur Porn Date With James Deen
November 1, 2013 | 9:00AM

I made a porn. Well I shot two scenes but porn by any other name is still somebody fucking on camera. Have I always wanted to film a porn? No. I use porn sparingly and only when absolutely necessary. What I’m saying here is when I can’t cum I watch a porn. Most of the time I nerd out by reading some sort of erotic fiction involving a woman getting nailed by the bejeweled handle of the sword of the Captain of the Guard but that doesn’t always work. When it fails me I turn to the Internet, everyone’s best friend/worst enemy. I don’t really have any favorites. I prefer two women because that provides what I require visually, otherwise it’s heavy on the beej jobs and tons of cum shots through the heart. I suppose I’m an artist in that respect. I need to dig a little deeper.

When James Deen Tweeted that he was accepting submissions from regular folks like me to film scenes with him I laughingly turned to my coworker and said, “Oh, let’s submit!” I was the only one who submitted.

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A few hours later I received an email from his model coordinator letting me know I was oh-so-adorable and if it wasn’t too last minute could I pop up to New York next weekend to shoot some porn y’all! That’s when I realized we were actually talking about porn here. I went back and forth, listing the usual pros and cons:

Pro: Porn!

Con: Porn.

I considered what this could mean for my future as a standup comic, or as a person. I don’t have any religious or emotional ties to sex. I don’t think I’m going to hell nor do I think you have to be in love to do the deed. You see, if those two factors were really an issue then women wouldn’t get wet and men wouldn’t get erect unless we were happily married. That’s not how the human body works, however, so it seems like we were built for sexual speed as opposed to marital comfort, at least physically. I finally decided to do it for the simple reason of: why not? As a female standup comic, and as a female human being, I’ve heard all manner of horrible things said about me, most of which are unfounded. People are going to think or say terrible things about you regardless of what you do in life so you might as well have some control over it. I can’t stop a man on the street from attempting to secretly undress me using his brain when I walk by, but I can ensure that he has to pay X amount of dollars to actually see it so…voilà! Porn.

It helps that James Deen is what I like to call a bit of a hipster porn star. He is respected both within and outside of the porn community and feminists the world over really dig him. Why he’s even done a non-pornographic film written by the amazingly talented Bret Easton Ellis and starring the formerly talented Lindsay Lohan. This wouldn’t have happened if it was with 95% of the men I’ve seen doing porn…big dicks, bigger stomachs.

The first thing I wanted to do was tell my mother about my plan (this is a great sentence to write immediately after referencing big dicks). My mother is fairly progressive. She’s not the inappropriate drinking with her underage children cool mom. She’s just very forward-thinking. I knew she wouldn’t disapprove and would only be concerned in the way a mom would be in a situation like this. I told her while we were in the car. As I was assuring her that nothing could go wrong, literally as I am uttering the words; a story came on NPR about a recent HIV outbreak in the porn industry. OH COME ON.

The first rule of porn club is, get tested. The second rule of porn club is, get tested. The third rule of porn club is, smile! Let me be very clear about one thing…I do not like needles. I have 10 tattoos but something about blood donating/vaccination needles has always given me pause. Could it possibly be because they are so large it would appear they are about to penetrate your very soul. Could that be it??? It’s probably because I have small veins, or so I’ve been told. It takes even the most accomplished nurse at least 2 tries before they can find one, all while giggling about how tiny they are. This trip to the doctor was no exception. Although this time was extra fun because they required 3 vials of my blood. I assume that’s one vial for every letter in HIV. Jesus Christ. I almost died. Lucky for me I aced that test. I am Less Than Patient Zero. I shared the good news with Deen’s press agent and received this email from Mr. Deen himself:

hello,
first off, hi,  i am james :-) .  now that is done… i was told you went and got tested yesterday.  i was wondering what days would be best for us to shoot?  also, what type of stuff are you into, what you envision for this scene, would you want to do more than one scene, is there a place you would feel comfortable shooting?  all that type of stuff.  basically i just want to make sure to provide you with the perfect porno experience and that we have as much fun as imaginable.  i look forward to meeting you.

I immediately felt comfortable. I had never seen any of his films. Friends that had told me he was occasionally somewhat rough with women but this email proved that all activities were decided upon beforehand and it let me know that this is MY porn and I’ll cry, get spanked, get tied up if I want to.

During the course of our exchanges we discussed how we wanted things to go. James told me that if there was no sexual chemistry we could just hang around and joke all day. No sexual chemistry? What does that say about me? I envisioned Deen not really “feeling it,” so I would just do 20 minutes of standup in some hotel room for him. Cum here often? Not today I guess. I just flew in and boy are my arms tired guess I’ll just nap in front of the TV no sex here. Do not look behind the curtains. Nothing to see folks.

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I’m very good at travel research. I weirdly love planning a trip almost as much as I love going on the trip itself. I started researching hotels in New York with only one criteria in mind: find a room that is the least porntastic as possible. Out of curiosity I watched one of Deen’s amateur videos. The only thing I could think the entire time was why didn’t this girl make her bed? I could not get past the fact that her bed was so disheveled. I was determined to avoid a similar fate. Once I found a lovely room I booked my train and that was it.

The first thing I did when I checked into the hotel was take note of the two giant red velvet chairs that were not pictured on the website. Sometimes the best get laid plans…I went to the gym for obvious reasons then proceeded to treat the whole affair as if I were going to prom. I got a manicure/pedicure. I showered and shaved everything. I looked around the room and had bizarre thoughts like: Should I leave the book I’m reading on the nightstand? Maybe I should put my laptop away. I don’t want the whole world to see what my laptop looks like. It didn’t occur to me that the whole world was about to see what my lap looked like, my naked lap. The room felt a little warm so I decided to adjust the temperature to, you guessed it, 69 degrees. JOKES.

There was a knock on the door and I opened it while brushing my teeth. I’m late to everything, including my own porn movie. James rolled in with a huge suitcase and an even bigger smile. I signed a bunch of paperwork. At this point he may have complete ownership of all my internal organs. Who knows! The shoot began outside with us strolling through the streets of NYC while he filmed us on his cell phone, just chatting. I read aloud funny good luck text messages from various friends. We got a coffee then sat in front of a church, as one is wont to before a porn, and joked around like old friends on God’s front porch. Then it was off to the task at hand and other body parts.

It was just James and a giant (peach) camera. We filmed two scenes. In between we talked about comedy and I mentioned liking John Mulaney. So there we sat on the bed, huddled around my laptop watching John Mulaney’s special New in Town.

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After he left I felt really good. There are few words in the English language more annoying than the word empowered. Imagine that feeling but swap it out for a different word because I would sound like a complete asshole if I used it. I started telling strangers all about what I did. I needed a new cell phone charger as my sole purpose in life is to lose cell phone chargers and wallets, and I ended up telling the woman at the Verizon store everything. She made me promise to come back and let her know when it was available because, and I quote: My husband and I love watching porn. I filed her away as my first fan, sort of. That has shocked me the most. People are not only interested in it but excited. It’s further proof that porn is not the Wizard behind the curtain it once was. The Sexually Liberated Dorothys of the world have pulled back the drapes to reveal something not quite frightening after all. Surrender Dorothy, turns out she’s a submissive after all.

Has anyone been hurt by this decision? The simple answer is yes. It’s the only aspect of this entire experience I regret. I am sorry. Those people are handling it in the best way possible and for that I am grateful. I am surprised by how supportive and excited some of my friends have been, to my face at least. I’ve heard through the grape-bullshit gossip-vine that some people think I did this for the story. They’re right. I did it so I could experience something and share it with others, so in a sense yes…it’s for the story.

The fact that James and I exchanged a few emails and talked a bit prior made it all feel quite easy. I hardly noticed the camera, the idea that thousands of people would be viewing this soon, or what my ass was doing the entire time. Dear God, what was my ass doing the entire time? That was a month ago. The video goes live on his website today. James says it’s great! Whatever that means. He informed me that the first part is hilarious, as it was intended to be, which of course speaks to the comic in me. I’m glad that’s the case. When I visit his website and watch trailers of other movies I do feel a bit nervous. Everyone does seem pretty goddamn naked. That is completely fine and normal. If you really break down the idea of porn it’s quite silly that anyone would react negatively to it. Most of us have sex. A lot of us have used a camera. Some of us have put the two together. At least one of us got paid in money, experience and fun.

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Recent Comments:
  • R-te1968 says:

    This comment is for Jenn Tisdale (Gwen Derringer). Its been at least a year now. Like a lot of people I would like to know your thoughts and feelings now. What has change in your personal and professional life since that day? Are your family and friends still at your side? Has your love life change and so on? Very interested in your thoughts.

  • Marv says:

    Two great scenes. Good to see that a real woman (kind that I would know) thinks that sex can be fun and exciting. I hope you really enjoyed it as much as you seemed to. You are an attractive woman, and I think intelligent, your sense of humor might get you in trouble though. I know mine gets me in trouble constantly.
    Just to let you know I don’t think you did anything to be ashamed of. A nice blend of naughty and nice.

  • Anonymous says:

    Just watched the film and you were great! You have a fantastic body. I’m glad you had so much fun.

  • Daz says:

    Her boyfriend has just been downgraded to beta-loser of the century!
    Feminism has done nothing for women. Through years of careful wording, all they’ve done is cancelled out all men except alpha males that always have and always will subjugate women for their own ends. Convincing women that sexual violence is their decision is just a bonus.
    If any other man who didn’t have the celebrity status of Deen tried to convince his GF/sexual partner into BDSM who wasn’t an obvious alpha, it’d be a deal-breaker!
    Either way, this was merely a well-chosen business decision to gain even more of a paying fan base obviously just by choosing the most “acceptable” of the applicants instead of the fattest bushpig that would’ve showcased his “readiness” for any porn scene that was thrown on his desk.

    • Megan says:

      Either way, this was merely a well-chosen business decision to gain even more of a paying fan base obviously just by choosing the most “acceptable” of the applicants instead of the fattest bushpig that would’ve showcased his “readiness” for any porn scene that was thrown on his desk.

      Actually if you visit his site, he has done scenes with some lovely but very plus-sized fans–though I refuse to degrade a human being by calling them a bushpig. The website explains that he will do scenes with women of all body types, it’s more about what they can offer as performers. Also, while Deen has done some rough stuff, the films he has shot for feminist adult companies like Playgirl and Sweet Sinner tend to be very gentle and romantic.

  • Anonymous says:

    this does not contribute anything to society, i think she made a bad decision and it doesn’t benefit her at all, it just makes people see her like an useless person. I saw a conversation below where two or three guys are insulting this woman, i don´t think it is right but maybe is the ugly truth. Girls are becoming very “open minded” and degrade themselves now is okay, porn is a bussiness that corrupts the image of sex and women, i’m not saying that it is good or bad, but certainly there are other and better ways for a woman to prove her worth. Spread her legs for a stranger does not prove anything about this woman’s skills, capacities, intelligence, she did nothing extraordinary, i don’t know why everybody have to glorify her. In my opinion, pornstars are just glorified prostitutes that doesn’t do anything extraordinary, and thats the problem, many girls now think that sex is the only way to be succesful, there is more pornography than ever, and the girls doing it are more popular than ever too, it is encouraging women to do it to be succesful in our society, you just have to see kim kardashian, paris hilton and all the girls doing it, and thats very sad, we have to glorify women in other ways and not just because they can have sex because everybody can do it and i think that it must be in a very different way than this. Well that was my opinion, i hope it serves for something.

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    • Safy says:

      Mmmm…it looks so good! Breakfast is the perfect time to have all your letfevor sweets and treats cause you work all those carbs and calories off! :) Hahaha…I’m just trying to justify us people who do that.

  • Jpc says:

    If a male reporter had done this with a female porn star, women would call him a pig and his career as a journalist would be over.

  • dahlia says:

    I never comment on anything but to read such a funny, lighthearted and sex positive piece and then scroll down to some of these judgmental bullshit comments was super depressing. the world may not be so progressive yet but they’ll get there. stay awesome xoxo

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  • Gustavo says:

    She’s got her 15 minutes of glory, but in 1 year time she will be an anonymous jane among many other thousands of “amateur” porn stars. The phrase “Has anyone been hurt by this decision? The simple answer is yes. It’s the only aspect of this entire experience I regret. I am sorry” makes me vomit. This woman has trashed any bit of self respect she may have had before. Good luck in finding a life companion, slut.

    • RobertLSFO says:

      Oooh, Slut Shaming. How wonderful for you. How nice it must be to sit there at your computer and judge the world. Get over yourself.

    • JJ says:

      What a douchebag.

      I imagine you’ll also have difficulty finding a life companion too. Although, I guess there are some women out there who gravitate to the moralizing, judgmental nobs who like to tell others that they’ve trashed their own self-respect. Interesting concept…..because, you know, it’s “self” respect and has nothing to do with tools such as yourself.

      Good luck on the “life companion” hunt.

    • Truth says:

      People apply their ideals – including that of self respect – in different ways. If you’re even slightly smart you should have noticed that.

  • Anonymous says:

    Make a porn movie with James Deen. Great.
    Cheat on your boyfriend. Wrong.

  • Amber Miller says:

    Wow….what disgusting whore bag!!! Empowered for spreading your legs for a stranger?? Your an idiot!!! What really bother me is a comment left where a women says she wishes she was more like this to set an example to her daughter!!!! Are you fucking kidding me???? Yes honey watch mommy in this porno so you to can be a dirty diseased where with no self esteem or respect!!!

    • Truth says:

      Your bad grammar and obvious lack of any education bothers me. But hey – what can you do?

      Better not to judge others.

      That said, if you’d actually read the article, you’d see that for this particular woman this was an empowering experience. It wouldn’t have been for me. I would never do this kind of thing – it isn’t my style. But we’re all different. If you were smarted you’d realize that.

  • Anonymous says:

    Gross.

  • Anonymous says:

    This is the great and new ‘empowered’ American woman. Disgusting, vile, tattooed, full of diseases and other men’s sperm. Such a turn on, wow, and so creative too. Oh, and she also lacks any sense of honor, fidelity, honesty, self-respect, and of course respect for her boyfriend as well. Now we can truly see why other societies want to keep Americans the fuck out and punish behavior such as this. Seriously, this is supposed to be creative? Not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but this is just gutter trash shit behaving like gutter trash shit. Boyfriend better not touch that cesspool if he cares about his health and especially if he cares about being a real man. “Empowerement” goes both ways, real empowered men don’t stay with disease filled porn garbage. Not good for mind and certainly not good for body and soul. Feminism can’t be any more better defined than this steming pile of diseased filth behavior where a woman behaves like a whore and is proud. No need to wonder why the world no longer ranks America as the #1 country, cause our ‘women’ are nothing more than ‘”empowered” sacks of poisonous viruses with diseased minds and bodies. Couple this with men that are not much better and can’t think of any other way to make money and you got a winning recipe for other countries saying stay the fuck out of our nations. Women in America cheering this garbage example of feminism and pornography as being empowering are nothing more than idiots. Telling your boyfriend you are fucking a stranger on camera against his wishes is nothing more than being a shitbag whore. Case closed.

    • Craven Moorehead says:

      Wow … that is a whole lot of bile spewed. You are just bitter because you are too big of a douche bag loser to ever attack the attention of any woman. Keep jerking off a’hole, that’s as good as it is going to get for you.

      • ANONYMOUS says:

        That is a whole lot of truth told “Craven”. This is the sad state of the modern American woman today. Many of them view this type of behavior as the norm. Insults do not in any way change how disgusting this and many other so-called “empowered” women (disease filled used urinals) really are. Did you actually read the article? This scumbag has teenage girls thinking this is normal behavior. Are you so stupid as to not see why other countries outlaw this garbage and the importation thereof? Are you so blind as to not see why many people around the world view American women as nothing more than morally bankrupt sex objects? Do you honestly think that people from other civilized nations want this type of woman or want their children to grow up with this crap? Sex, like anything else has a time and a place. Those who extol the garbage that these “empowered” jagoffs do are living in a dreamland that selling anything is without consequence. I present to you another side to your wonderful “empowerment” : ENJOY!!

        youtube.com/watch?v=r0q_VGacfNk

        Open your eyes dumbass, some things just should not be sold like a commodity. It common knowledge that many women are one time porn actresses because the shock is too much for them to handle and they are left mentally scarred. Those that take that road are often let’s say, not better off. The filthy ones like this nasty diseased filled hag that gladly pretty much cuckold’s her boyfriend is nothing more than a shitbag whore. CASE CLOSED AGAIN. Now STFU and go troll somewhere else.

        PS : CRAVEN SUITS YOU WELL BECAUSE IT TAKES COURAGE TO TELL THE TRUTH AND YOU HAVE NONE.
        cra·ven ˈkrāvən adjective
        1. contemptibly lacking in courage; cowardly. “a craven abdication of his moral duty”
        synonyms: cowardly, lily-livered, faint-hearted, chicken-hearted, spineless, timid, timorous, fearful, pusillanimous, weak, feeble; More
        1. a cowardly person.

        pss, if this is the type of “woman” you think is of interest to anyone but the lowest of the low, then you have some serious mental issues. I truly feel sorry for her boyfriend who has to wonder if he does not already have some sort of sickness flowing in his veins. Next time, try and refute statements with facts instead of your premature and stupid twinky fairy emotional outbursts.

        • Megan says:

          Let me ask you something; for years female porn stars have made videos with their fans. Sometimes the guys pay for a private tape, other times they win a contest, other times they even participate in gang bang scenarios. Do you look down on those men, call them sluts or whores? And if your fantasy woman gave you the chance to be with her, wouldn’t you at least be tempted? This woman doesn’t care what you think of her, she lived a dream–more power to her.

        • Truth says:

          I think you’re the one getting ‘emotional’ – just look at all the comments you’ve left around spewing your hate.

          So you don’t like girls who do things like this? Big deal. Hang around with girls who don’t. But don’t pretend that everyone should be or think like you.

          • Anonymous says:

            i saw the video and i thinks she is a nasty person

          • Anonymous says:

            i

          • ANONYMOUS says:

            No one is getting emotional, sick to my stomach, yes, but not emotional. This might be a little over your head but I will explain a little anyway. There comes a point in a person’s life when many of the mysteries of life are no longer unsolvable, when history unravels the past, present, and future direction of civilization. There comes a point when you, as a human being, see on a case by case basis, the downfall of civilization and humanity. Sure, to a simpleton like you, this is just some stupid whore who is “empowered” and free to do as she wishes, however, to those with a functioning brain and some sense of honor, morals, or integrity, we see this for what it is, low life scum sucking garbage that publishes online garbage viewed by adults as well as children(read the passage about teenage girls). A stupid whore who relishes cheating on her boyfriend and through some twisted pseudo-non-logic justifies it. A lifestyle of filth best kept in the privacy of the bedrooms pushed out in the open, not to mention, done by the scum sucking POS male to simply make money. There was a time when I too thought stuff like this was harmless, but then I began to use my brain and saw it for what it was, a vile perversion that in the end does nothing positive for you as a human being, nothing for society as a whole, and finally harms all civilization. This garbage, which mind you is garbage, will always be garbage forever. There is no social value here, nothing of any positive value, and only contains bile that further warps, twists, and destroys the minds of individuals. Modern American feminist garbage ideology at its finest. If you in any way try and justify cheating on your boyfriend by making internet filth as some sort of artistic expression with any redeeming social value, you need to check yourself into the nearest nuthouse. Any sane adult see this for what it is : PURE GARBAGE. Again, make no mistake, this and many other degrading acts done by idiots like these two is why many countries around the world view us American men as degenerates and our women as diseased whores who are considered an unhealthy and disgusting influence on their societies. So you go right ahead and celebrate the immense STD rates in America(1 in 4 American teenage girls have STDS – FACT) due to this type of behavior, but I will pass, thank you. As a historian, thinking individuals, as well as a human being, seeing this vile decadent behavior everywhere you look will only sadden you for it signals one thing, the downfall of civilization. If this an example of what American feminism and women are today, no wonder the rest of the world thinks so low of Americans and want nothing to do with them, but hey you keep on thinking this is all a-ok.

  • Rafael Collado Collado says:

    I’m really taken aback by the negative comments.

    You attack people when you are angry, or in retaliation, right? What exactly did she do to you by having sex?

  • Anonymous says:

    Try this: the opposite point.
    You telling your girlfriend to fuck some female pornstar “for the story”. “HEY BABE, WHAT IF I BANG ALEXIS TEXAS FOR MY NEXT ARTICLE?? IS IT OK, RIGHT?…
    What WOMEN ALL OVER THE WORLD WILL THINK?? Came on, she´s just hurting her (retarded) buyfriend for free!! A relationship screwed just for licking a famous cock she´ll never see again!!

  • Anonymous says:

    Honestly, this is disgusting.

    I get wanting to be the best in getting a story, but having sex for theoretically millions of people to see for a story?

    As well, maybe against your boyfriend’s wishes?

    Get real.

  • Anonymous says:

    Nice shave job.

  • Horny guy says:

    I enjoyed the video. For a standup comedienne, you did quite well as an amateur porn star. I wish I can have the same experience with you that James Deen had.

  • Canadian gentleman says:

    I heard your recent interview on CBC and appreciated your candor and your adventurousness. I suppose I should have expected the tone of some comments below but am disappointed nonetheless. The range of moral notions and the ways in which we express or sexuality are far more varied across cultures and time than most recognize. The wonderful anthropological study published in “Sex at Dawn” is a revelation and I highly recommend it to everyone.

  • Hardriven1 says:

    Unfortunately he problem with doing porn… that isn’t in your “Private” collection is that you have to live with the eventual consequences, whether they be now or 10 – 20 years down the road. It’s out there now and there’s no taking it back! But, for the record you do look quite hot and I’ll definitely rub one out to your vid! LOL!!

  • Anthony Jersey07050 says:

    I love how women are patting her on the back even though she did this against her BF’s wishes. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t be so pleased if said BF slept around with random chicks against her wishes, but I’m not surprised. This is after all, what the “feminist” movement is all about: supporting double standards as long as they benefit women

  • Anonymous says:

    I really admire you for doing this. You have done not only a great thing for your life story, but you’ve made a little progress for women’s sexuality. I love that you did this. Kudos.

  • Anonymous says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart-warming tale of empowerment. I’ve always regretted that I’ve not been strong enough to set such an example of female sexuality for my daughter. You’ve been clear and concise in breaking down the complexities of human sexuality with laser precision by stating the two motivating factors: procreation and religion, while leaving the reader to determine the third on their own…cash! While ruminating on the third factor, and encouraged by your foray, I nipped down to my local stripper bar and demanded of the proprietor that I claim my right to dance naked in front of a room full of strangers, delighting in the knowledge that I alone would be the focus of their attention and erections for five minutes. How empowering! I dressed my daughter in a long overcoat and false beard, cleverly disguising her as a modern day Toulouse Lautrec, I faked sexual enjoyment (as I read you did in your film, since, as you said, you can’t orgasm) for several minutes on stage in front of an audience of at least five. While I was not the star of a porn movie, I’m pretty sure I’m the star on a couple of cell phones. My daughter was awed by the experience and still has not been able to communicate her joy at knowing she now has an empowered mother. The experience was uplifting. I’ll be going back next week. Not to dance myself, but my mom tells me she has the 5 p.m. slot.

    • Lucky says:

      Oh — my comment was a response to the article.

      But Anonymous who took the time to write some insightful satire — you get my Bravo!

    • Lucky says:

      “If you really break down the idea of porn it’s quite silly that anyone would react negatively to it.”

      Is it really?

      Quite silly?

      That people are negative?

      Negativity is such a drag!

      If only porn WERE just “the idea of porn” —- full of happy, liberated people having sex.

      But it isn’t only about sex. Surely you understand there are negative impacts of porn?

      That it’s helping set the discourse between the sexes back a few decades. (Slut, bitch, ho — these are the bullying terms used by young children these days.)

      That it’s infiltrating pop culture and allowing the commercial forces to promote the sexualizastion of young girls (from ‘being hot!’ to ‘being punished!) as the norm.

      In hetero porn cruelty is the norm.

      It’s so silly that we question it, though.

      So, so silly.

      That’s what I question, and it’s not silly.

      Bravo for you?

      Pfft.

      All I can say is, I’m glad you participated in porn that is paid content,
      so that not every 7-year-old with a computer can watch you.

    • Anonymous says:

      Troll.

  • Ashley says:

    Good for you. You already know how awesome you are and are letting all the negativity slide right off your back, as you should. Human sexuality is fantastic and mysterious and he’s hot. You have a great body, by the way!

  • Anonymous says:

    what a fucking slut, lets be honest, you loved getting fucked, you’ve never been fucked like that before, your boyfriend would dump you if he was a man, but he’s a wimp, you’re 33 and you’ve hit the wall already, covered in slut tattoos, it was your last chance to get fucked by a real man, now the world knows you’re a whore who did a porn for FREE haha

    • John says:

      Shut up, anonymous. I am so tired of you self righteous asses that love to point your “moral” fingers at others. I will never understand crybabies like you.

  • Marsha Ericksen says:

    Truly–these are the end times. Whores being celebrated. College girls dressing up like the burning Twin Towers with tiny human figures falling. And no way to really protect my children from seeing this crap.

    • "The End Times" Girl says:

      Oh come on! If you were so scared or scandalized you wouldn’t have read this story, it is too much for you. Now go and confess because otherwise you’ll go to hell :)

      It’s up to anybody what do they want to do with their bodies, I would have replied to James Deen myself but I missed the tweet :(

  • Some Guy says:

    There’s far more evidence that she’s an amateur porn actresses now than there is that she’s a comedian or a writer. People can apparently just call themselves “Comedian” or “Writer” these days, no matter how little experience they have at it.

  • fortunato says:

    So did James give you a nice facial or what?

  • Arwen. says:

    I have to say: you inspired me. If only people were a lil’ bit more serene and reasonable about sweet things we can have in life…Living in the world we have nowadays would be like having sex with James: “as much fun as imaginable”. (:

  • useleesstwat says:

    Hope the boyfriend does some investigating/googling and leaves her ass. This is the world we live in now morons everywhere every other person a rude narcissist. If she was single it wouldn’t even bother me just another cheap slut something that is common place on a weekend if you go out drinking. I bet the boyfriend just stays because he can’t be bothered to take the chance on finding someone else.

    • Anonymous says:

      Talking about narcissism is a bit of a far cry for you, huh? If you actually knew what the hell you were talking about, she’s said her boyfriend wants an open relationship, and he gave her his full blessing to get involved. He understands the humour in the situation, unlike some people.

    • Anonymous says:

      Or he might stay because it’s totally hot…you sure do seem like an angry loser. Not getting it real good?

  • radam says:

    Alpa fucks (deen) Beta bucks (husband/boyfriend).

    • Joseph Goebbels says:

      Aha! Indeed an apt and succinct capturing of the phenomenon,my friend! I marvel at your culture’s extraordinarily quick rate of inventing creative, enjoyable colloquial metaphors to describe new, emerging social trends, opinions and mentalities. The art of your society is of higher quality than you give credit for.

    • Anonymous says:

      *alpha

  • Confused says:

    I’ve grown up and live in a fundamentally non-western culture (India), but me (and most of our generation) grew up with American television and pop culture. I’d memorized all 3 Back to the Future films by 14. I’ve read Archie and Harry Potter. I’ve played all 9 Call of Duty games, most recently in 3-day weekend Weed + Gaming marathon with my roommate and 2 bongs. I live in an apartment in New Delhi with 4 other guys, graduating in Economics at the Univ. of Delhi. I have a steady girlfriend who drops by every other day for coitus.

    But I still cannot understand how Mrs. Tissdale can have hot, screaming sex (sry, I’m still just 20) in front of the entire world, making no secret of the fact that she ‘APPLIED’ for the chance to fuck a pornstar, and not hurt her HUSBAND.

    Her fucking HUSBAND. (Assuming they have a normal, healthy relationship – but that sounds contradictory now.)

    Isn’t this unfair, indecent towards the man? Tasteless? Doesn’t it feel WRONG in some way? Sexual liberation is one thing, but my gut shrivels up when I imagine my gf coming home one day, and telling me she’s going to fuck someone else (and its going to be broadcast around the world – insult + insult + cherry). I admit – she has the freedom to do so. But that makes it all the more harder – insecurity and emasculation choke my brain before I can theorize any more.
    Yes. I’m only human. I’m also a guy. I feel bad when I think of someone else touching my angel. And I feel dizzy and disoriented when I imagine her applying to fuck him.

    So, in the end, if all of you concur that it was indeed a decent act towards her husband … I’ll understand it takes a lot more to understand a culture than books, movies and video games.

  • Chvrn says:

    Meh.

    The only thing of note is that the author is now Eskimo Sisters with a “Teen Mom”. It’s hard to be affected by the actions of a complete stranger. Those care what the author chooses to do, see life in a manner which is beyond me. I suppose if that were my sister or something, I might actually care. It’s not an important thing for any reason at all. It doesn’t empower or belittle women or comics or Eskimos. It’s meaningless sex, save for those who buy and sell the property. It’s a sign of the times. People can achieve varying degrees of fame for having sex. Deal with it.

  • biggerguy says:

    I’m a gay guy and I love that you did this for yourself. I also think the trailer looks pretty good… :-)

  • summer_love says:

    How can she have gone through this experience and not discuss in detail…what it was like having sex with him?? How can you be a writer and cheat the reader out of THAT experience. Also I think she needs to talk in more detail about who or the kinds of people who were hurt in this process and to what end.

  • anotherguy says:

    I love all the judgement here and strangely enough, it seems to mostly be coming from men. I guess all the guys who have come to this article found it by searching for bible verses on the internet right? I also bet that all of these guys here are not the ones that keep the multi-billion dollar a year porn industry afloat too right? What a bunch of hypocrites.

  • chris says:

    I say it’s a hoax, folks. I have no trouble believing a stand-up comic would write this thing for laughs and use the comments in her next routine. I find it impossible to believe, however, that a stand-up comic can afford a manicure and a pedicure.

    Move on, there’s nothing to see here.

  • Lodstone says:

    To all the hypocrites out there talking crap about stuff they wish they could do and stuff they fantasise about doing, never judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes

    • Anonymous says:

      That’s bs, I can judge hitler, stalin or Mao without having to walk an inch in their shoes but simply by reviewing their actions.

  • Vi says:

    Super jealous. Watched the trailer and it looks amazing! Forget what everyone else says, you did something fun with a man that comes off as sweet and genuine (which I usually don’t take away from porn). If I weren’t in such a committed relationship, I’d totally sign up!

  • Mel says:

    Congrats on your negative HIV test. You do know that getting a negative HIV test means you didn’t have HIV only on the day you were tested, right? The next day, you might test positive. Same goes for your partner. He may have tested negative too, but unless he and you sustained from unprotected sex for 3 to 6 months after a negative HIV test (yea, that’s right…it takes at least 3 months to seroconvert, and up to 6), both of you are now considered high risk for HIV infection. Bottom line, do yourself and your future partners a favor: use condoms, continue to get HIV tested, and keep in touch with this man. Make sure he tells you when he becomes HIV positive, because you will likely also be at risk.

  • jonlovesit says:

    Why no mention of all your new eskimo sisters including teen mom Farrah? Why no mention of… well, anything? Are you sandbagging all the best genetic material for a set?

    JD calls, you tell mom, go get mani-pedi, THE END.

  • Anonymous says:

    Kudos to you! Thanks for putting that out there. Can’t wait to watch… and be a new fan!

  • Anonymous says:

    I think some of these commenters need to calm down a little. Relax, it’s just safe sex!

    • Anon says:

      You mean the kind of ‘safe sex’ where you don’t use a condom and you’re having intercourse with a porn star who only gets tested for STDs once a month?

  • PRF says:

    I have to say I really enjoyed reading your article. Personally I have thought about applying myself. However, being that I am from the south and surrounded by individuals who will condemn me to the eternal flames of hell fire on a daily, I thought it might be wise to put that idea on hold. From reading some of the comments that have been posted I see that condemnation of others extends past the southern borders. Oh yea, before I forget JUSTAGUY SAYS once upon a time making comments about people like the ones you made was called being an asshole. Wait, it still is!

    • Justaguy says:

      Yah, I may be an asshole but I’m an asshole who doesn’t have his asshole on permanent display online. Just my assholishness.
      Oh and by the way – she got paid by Deen to do the segment.
      Therefore by all definitions….

      • Tracey says:

        So by all definitions she is a prostitute? Is that where you were going? Ok so she got paid for sex. Did you think those ladies in the porns you watch were all doing it for free? Some people are exhibitionists but some get paid for it. …the more you know. http://youtu.be/v3rhQc666Sg

      • PRF says:

        So if I am understanding you correctly, you think the fact that she was compensated makes her more of a ho (as you so eloquently stated) than if she had not been compensated. Of course she was that is no secret she said that in her article. I’m also curious how you happened upon her article in the first place and if you have actually watched the trailer of her scene with James Deen?

  • Anonymous says:

    How degrading..

  • Justaguy says:

    A very interesting take on your experience and a hearty congratulations!
    You’ve now joined the ranks of such strong empowered women as Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and pretty much any other woman of questionable virtue who thinks that showing off her flange being penetrated by some random dude will help her career. Once upon a time that was called being a ho.

  • Anonymous says:

    I Loved The Article And ThE Video. I Have To Say, You Have Nothing To Worry About Your Performance. I Just Finished Pleasuring Myself To Your Video. Fine Body And Ass. I Wonder If I Can Twitter You And Meet Up For Coffee :) Im Serious.

  • Anon says:

    I notice on his site it’s titled ‘Do a scene with James’. Maybe ‘Catch Herpes from James’ would be more appropriate.
    You realise they don’t test for Herpes on STD tests?
    Also, think about how many people Deen has slept with. It’s very likely that he is carrying one or more carcinogenic strains of HPV (Human Papillomavirus) on his genitals. The genitals that were inside your genitals.

  • SL says:

    Why are people assuming the sex was good? Maybe she can relax on camera for that and really enjoy herself – however, much like most porn – she was probably acting. She didn’t get paid. Where is the actual benefit here? Gross. Maybe if she had put on a strap on and fucker him on HER website that would be fab. Instead her image/video is being used all over the internet and she has made no money off the incident.

  • carrie says:

    Nothing about the fuck

  • Shelby says:

    I’m so jealous! I want to do it so badly but the fear of rejection and all my ass on his website terrifies me. I’m excited for you and don’t let anyone get you down about it :)

  • Merky says:

    This is awesome! Thank you for sharing your experience so the rest of us can live vicariously through it.

  • Nollaig says:

    I really enjoyed reading that – thanks for writing about the experience!

  • tsnort says:

    There’s nothing wrong with what you did, I won’t judge on that level. But let’s face it – it was casual sex with someone you’d just met… and that’s about it.

  • jBro says:

    This is awesome! I can’t wait to see it. You are handling this with grace and poise. Thank you for your honest article. We are in a new age of sexuality and acceptance. Thank you for being amazing.

  • Vida says:

    I love that you did this and normalised it. Thanks for sharing! Nothing wrong with doing it for the story – doesn’t make it any less brave, adventurous, or world expanding! For so many of us, this is just a daydream, more power to you, as us Irish say, for making it real :)

    • Rere says:

      I LOVE your blog Suzie!! I came across you on Facebook, and pormptly came here, and I am so glad I did! I love how your cooking and recipes are so good and soooo…..REAL! I read you daily and look forward to all your food adventures—thanks for keeping this blog so foodies like myself have something to feed our addiction!

    • Besan says:

      Dear Miriam,I really apicerpated this post. If you live in a place with many options, it’s a parents duty to be diligent in the choices they make. I pray kay has many cherished, memorable moments amongst those who love Allah SWT. ws mm