All words: Ryan Mahoney
Welcome to the New Year! Let’s start off right by eating healthy, being kinder, and maybe even doing some volunteer work… or let’s not and say we did. New Year’s Resolutions are not just an empty promise one makes on a day with no significance to improve their life, but a right of passage. Without these resolutions how would we know how inadequate we really are? Didn’t someone wise once say “Rules were meant to be broken”?
So here we have it: BYGay’s annual Guide to Making (and Breaking) your New Year’s Resolutions (with Britney Spears)
01. Lose Weight
The number one, most popular resolution made by the majority of Americans, is to lead a healthier lifestyle. That is why for the month of January, traffic is always backed-up around my house… I live a block away from Planet Fitness. Luckily, as these resolutions drop, by February the gym is as barren as Khloe Kardashian’s eggs. Too soon?
So, you’re one of the many, who have decided this was your resolution. You’ve already completed step one of “Making and Breaking”. Congratulations. High Five!
How to break it: Taco Bell.
02. Be Kind
After that Khloe Kardashian joke this should be my resolution. If that homeless guy in front of the McDonalds on 17th tells me to be nicer one more time I’ll go ballistic. Anyway, Britney is known for being America’s sweetheart, but it is easy to lose that soft edge. Nice guys finish last… at least that’s what Cobra Starship taught me in high school.
Next time you lose your cool just remember these iconic Britney moments and get your validation from her mistakes.
03. Quit Smoking
We’ve all heard that smoking will kill you and at BYT we are not here to judge… but this resolution could save your life. I think Brook Shields said it best, “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”
If you suffer from this addiction, breaking this resolution is as easy as getting into a relationship with Taylor Swift. Britney is no stranger to the cigarette. Blow them haters away, girl.
04. Learn Something New
“You learn something new every day” you say as you walk away from your daft co-worker after showing her how to open a PDF. Sure, you’re resolution was to learn something but spreading the wealth is a great gesture. It goes along with #2, be kind. Kudos to you. So, if Britney wants to learn something new all she would have to do is learn to count past 6.
This resolution is almost impossible to break, so this is a good one to make if you’re a slacker.
05. Fall in love
You can hoot and holler about how you’re going to die alone or you can join Christian Mingle. Those are your options at this point. Britney is going into her third marriage; let’s hope third time is the charm, Brit.
How to break this resolution? Shower less, eat fatty foods, and forget your manners…. So basically aspire to be KFed.
Let’s end this on a light note, be yourself. Love will find you.
What is a resolution if you don’t break it? Let’s live it up, and forget about creating these regulations that tie us down. If you feel the need to work on yourself, do it for you, not because it’s a New Year. Be you and this will be your year.