Welcome to another morning of zero substance dependence! Oh fuck, nvm.

• “Sometimes we swim around / like two dolphins in the oceans of our hearts.” 25 of the dumbest lyrics of all time.
• IT’S SUMMER. Going somewhere? Ladies, here’s a handy tutorial; gentlemen, this probably confirms everything you’ve been thinking about women for eons. How Girls Pack:
  
• Happy Wednesday! Here’s a collection of dapper criminals from the 1920s.
  
• Tired of your job? Quit in the most awesome way possible, just like this Finnish translator.
• Billy Corgan’s been shit-talkin’ up a storm, “will piss on fuckin’ Radiohead.”
• Got tickets to see Nickelback? Might we suggest this instead?
  
• To remind you that the ocean is mostly uncharted and, yes, even scarier than Nickleback’s success: a graph of the ocean’s depth.
• Your The Future of the Day: Japanese researchers claim they’ve created a functioning human liver from stem cells.
• I would legitimately challenge everyone I know to joust with me if I owned this suit of armor sweatshirt:
  
• Fatkid heaven: Huffington Post reviews the best store-bought chocolate chip cookie brands.
• Need more nerd in your life? Here’s an awesome History of Videogames that’ll take you through decades of gameplay in under 3 minutes:
  
• We have to go dumber.
  
• Be nice to the ugly girls. (via)
  
• Well hello, autotuned Mr. Rogers. Did I ever grow ideas in the garden of my mind? Sure, Fred, stealing that damn-awesome cardigan collection of yours.
  
• Who says science isn’t sexy?
  
• Mad Men may be over ’til next season but at least we’ve got this sweet Bowie/RJD2 mindmeld (sung by Allison Williams of Girls fame, no less).
  

‘Til next time, keep up the good posture.