THE INTERNET NEVER SLEEPS AND IT IS ALWAYS WATCHING.

• Hi, guys! I need your help in funding my lifetime goal of one-armed circus tricks performed around the world in a hot air balloon whilst the New York Ballet Co. performs a casual (but still coordinated) interpretive dance to Pink Floyd’s The Wall on a floating platform piloted by Slash. (The most in-depth how-to on crafting the perfect Kickstarter pitch.)
• No one will find your mid-90s porn collection if you hide it in plain sight…
  
• I WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND TO YOU AN INVITATION TO THE PANTS PARTY………. CAN YOU TELL WE’RE EXCITED? I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT. JUST KIDDING, HERE’S THE ANCHORMAN 2 POSTER:
  
• And thine legacy shalt be rock n roll, fat-ass sandwiches, studded onesies and an iconically tacky palace; “Elvis” is back on the top 1,000 baby names for boys.
• Hey, boys and girls! It’s time for your Fantabulous of the Day, a moving timeline of the entire 37-year history of SNL.
• Some cotdamn genius out there just designed the Toastabag, a way to make grilled cheese inside your toaster with the grill lines but minus the goopy firehazardy (pretty sure that’s a word) mess:
  
• Genius:
  
• 12 Kids Who Are Better at Sports Than You! (I’m sorry, Buzzfeed, don’t you mean all of them?)
• Aaaaaaaaand here’s Willie Nelson covering Pearl Jam because obviously:
  
• Babies, dogs, food, cars, the beach + more: a case-by-case comparison of men vs. women on instagram.
• It’s your new favorite twitter handle, @DubstepSong.
  
• HAVE YOU SEEN THIS WOMAN?
  
• What’s that? You wanted something morbid? Well here’s a recipe for Beheaded Ned Stark Cake Pops!
• Hold on, gotta jump into some Adorable right here…
  
• And finally, here’s a NEW LEAKED STILL from Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit:
  

‘Til next time, keep up the good work.