Welcome to the Internet, where the Awesome comes not from the front but from the side and all the fuck around you.

• Good morning! Newt Gingrich was just bitten by a penguin during a trip to the zoo.
• The Black Keys abducted Anthony Bourdain in their mini-van “of death and possible dismemberment,” taking him to a bourbon and barbecue lunch. This is the stuff dreams are made of.
• Stop what you’re doing. I SAID STOP. The greatest roundup of all time: the best Corgi gifs ever made.
  
  
• The second-greatest roundup: the 40 nerdiest tattoos ever.
• Wendy’s SoNnNnNnNnN. FINALLY someone who loves this place as much as I do:
  
• Chronic worriers need not apply: where lightning strikes most frequently across the globe.
• How one physicist used science to get out of a $400 ticket. (Well done.)
• You’re doing a great job living your life. Just ask these animals who are completely disappointed in you.
  
• The more you know: in the dark, nerdy depths of Wikipedia there exists an entire article dedicated to astronomy from a martian’s point of view.
• Study the wrong subjects in college? Don’t worry, you can always get this PhD in Facial Hair.
• Which brings us to:
  
• Bored with the Pulitzers? How about some new categories like “Michelle Obama Eating Hamburgers Reporting” and “Teenagers Displaying Selfishness, Ignorance or Racism in Tweets Reporting?”
• Somebody buy me this Tron bicycle Light Cycle ASAP:
  
• And now for a taste of the macabre: possible human remains have been found this week in recently released photos of the Titanic’s wreckage…
• Too heavy? I’m sorry. Here, have this cart full of Nutella.
  
• And also this:
  

‘Til next time, keep up the good work.