HEY, GUYS. Ready to pick yourselves up out of those Thanksgiving food comas and hit the Internet?

• I don’t care that I just ate 27,000 calories this weekend; someone buy me this burger-making machine STAT.
  
• Speaking of food, here are wine pairings for the post-apocalypse: what to drink with rats, dog food, and more.
• Andrew W.K. Named Cultural Ambassador to the Middle East by U.S. Department of State (and no, that’s not an Onion article).
• Great sketch or greatest sketch: Horror Movie Daycare.
  
• Hidden Songs And Messages In Music That You Probably Never Noticed.
• Grammar nerds rejoice; it’s your new favorite Twitter account.
  
  
• And now let’s go deep inside the James Bond villain lair that actually exists….
  
• Twenty reasons Instagram isn’t for bros.
• What it’s like jumping into the world’s largest pile of leaves:
  
• Your Total Time Waster of the Day: Ducks Are The Best. Just click.
• OK now picture that but instead of ducks, it’s Nic Cage’s head.NOW click.
• Need some inspiration to work out? My gift to you: You probably don’t look as bad as anyone in this Workout Fail Compilation.
  
• A (rejected) Beatles’ 1962 audition for Decca Records goes up for auction this week. Bidding starts around $30,000. Day-um.
• And, you know, here’s “Game of Thrones” as a “Seinfeld” sitcom:
  

‘Til next time, keep up the quest for the perfect selfie.