In the greatest news since, well, forever-DCist reported that BYT’s super-all-time-favorite-sitcom-4ever-and-ever PARKS & RECREATION will be shooting part of the premiere of its upcoming fifth season on location in Washington. (NOW WITH AN UPDATE-the actual filming location list!)
Now, we are not of the super celebrity stalking variety but this kind of thing provokes in us the deepest, darkest mega- fan urges. So-we’ve let our minds wander and we’ve come up with some dream scenario run-ins with the show’s character’s while they’re in town. Hey, fantasies are free.
RON SWANSON @ The Pig
- doing what: eating the whole menu (minus those vegan bullshit options)
- your opening line: sending over a complimentary The Eight Weeks ‘Til the Slaughter (a variant on a Manhattan, using a blend of Bulleit rye, house-infused Makers Mark bourbon, bitters, and Vya vermouth, aged in barrels for eight weeks)
- best case outcome: you get to lick some sauce off his mustache.
APRIL LUDGATE @ Black Cat Red Room
- doing what: reading a book, avoiding eye contact
- your opening line: Is there Neutral Milk Hotel (April’s favorite band-ed) on this juke-box?
- best case outcome: She doesn’t spit in your drink
LESLIE KNOPE @ Smithsonian Museum Of American History
- doing what: checking out the Girl Scouts exhibit and refusing to go to the First Lady dress show.
- your opening line: What badge do you think the Girl Scouts need to start having that reflects the modern young lady of 2012?
- best case outcome: You end up getting the Dirty Girl Scout alcoholic milkshake together @ Ted’s Bulletin after a walking tour of Capitol Hill.
BEN WYATT @ The Thirst at Bier Baron
- doing what: Correcting the speaker. But only to himself. So as not to really offend anyone.
- your opening line: you should really do one of these (nights/speeches).
- best case outcome: Ben Wyatt moves here and becomes YOUR boyfriend.
JERRY @ Georgetown Cupcake
- doing what: waiting in line (and horrible heat) to get cupcakes for everyone, and then JUST as it is his turn-the store closes.
- your opening line: Repeat after me: I’m better than this.
- best case outcome: you introduce him to Baked & Wired.
ANDY DWYER @ Jimmy Valentine’s
- doing what: complaining that the $1 PBR happy hour is not all night.
- your opening line: you have to try Mr. Lethal instead (their super potent, mind erasing slushie)
- best case outcome: he gives you a piggy back ride to H Street
TOM HAVERFORD @ Napoleon
- doing what: pretending to be a European Diplomatic Brat. Not fooling anyone.
- your opening line: You smell nice – there’s a dance party downstairs afterwards. With Champagne.
- best case outcome: He gives you a nickname that rhymes with Champagne.
DONNA @ Bliss Spa at the W
- doing what: treating herself
- your opening line: Nice custom robe, where do you get your embroidering done?
- best case outcome: Donna and you start a Ginuwine inspired dance party (Ginuwine is her cousin on the show-ed): Name: PONY UP. Tag line: Ladies happy hour ALL NIGHT. Gentlemen pay double ALL NIGHT. Pony up.
ANN PERKINS @ anywhere Jon Favreau is NOT DRINKING that day
- doing what: avoiding Jon Favreau (the Obama speech scribe and Rashida Jones dated in real life-ED)
- your opening line: I know this great bar where none of the staffers ever go.
- best case outcome: Ann Perkins becomes your (ultimate) wingwoman
Chris Traeger @ Crossfit
- doing what: suffering. till it feels good.
- your opening line: I know this great fruit smoothie place.
- best case outcome: you end sneaking him (a totally alcoholic) CLIMATE CHANGE (fresh grapefruit and cranberries make the potential vodka taste an almost non issue) @ Johnny’s Half Shell, Chris Traeger becomes fun.
EXTRA DREAM BONUS:
JEAN-RALPHIO @ FUR (GLOW nights)
- doing what: stealing drinks off of other people’s table service stations
- your opening line: Hey-my friends just got a bottle of Ciroc, wanna party P.Diddy style?
- best case outcome: you wake up REMEMBERING NOTHING.
tell us YOUR dream scenarios in the comments….