OBYT! Ho Ho Ho’s
BYT Staff | Dec 18, 2012 | 10:00AM |

Jenn Tisdale is a D.C. stand up comic. Follow her on Twitter at @Jenn_Tisdale.

And now a Very Special Holiday Edition of oBYTuary…

“As surely as I am the living God, everyone will kneel before me, and everyone will confess that I am God.” Woah that’s mighty big talk from a guy who technically lived 33 actual years then like a few days in purgatory then He kind of came back for a day then He lived on in our hearts forever.  That’s Jesus though, always doing things in a huge way.  Welcome to the Christmas/Holiday/Am I Being Too PC Or Not Enough? edition of the OBYT. Guess what, it’s hard to have Christmas (we’re just going with Christmas okay you guys?) without presents, I mean eggnog, I mean “Die Hard,” I mean Jesus.

Jesus’ fame began in childhood and didn’t stop there. It’s hard to follow a virgin birth but damn it he spent the next 33 years trying.  He was a healer, a philosopher, a moralist, and in a way…a chef (water to wine? yes please).   His greatest hits range from healing the blind to a leper or maybe it was just a severe case of eczema we can’t be sure. His Last Supper, which turned out to be His final meal on death row, was made famous by His crucifixion the following day. Ouch. Stabbed in the back/wrists/feet by his own best friend Judas (not Priest). Joke’s on the gentleman who handed down the execution, Pontius Pilate; you can’t wash your hands of His martyrdom.

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Friday 10/28
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The BYT Bentzen Ball Presents: Jon Dore! at Drafthouse Comedy ~~MULTIPLE SHOWS~~ Thursday, Oct 27th, 2016 6:15pm doors / 7:00pm Show Friday, Oct 28th, 2016 7:15pm doors / 8:00pm Show Friday, Oct 28th, 2016 9:40pm doors / 10:00pm Show Saturday, Oct 29th, 2016 6:15pm doors / 7:00pm Show Saturday, Oct 29th, 2016 8:15pm doors / 9:00pm Show @ Drafthouse Comedy 1100 13th St NW, Washington, DC 20005 $25.00 tickets on sale now! This is an 18+ event. ~~~~ About Jon Dore: Named one of “10 comics to watch” by Variety, Ottawa-born comedian, host and actor Jon Dore is renowned for his offbeat humour and unique bait-and-switch style. Dore is a favourite on the comedy club and festival circuit in Canada and the United States. He has hosted the Just for Laughs Festival Homegrown Comedy Competition on a number of occasions and has enjoyed sold-out runs at the Festival’s Montreal and Toronto locations, at comedy festivals in Halifax, Vancouver, Portland and Washington, DC, and at the Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival in Manchester, Tennessee. From his humble beginnings as the co-host of the cable talk show Daytime Ottawa (Rogers Television) and the irreverent roving reporter on Canadian Idol (CTV), Dore recently starred in the critically acclaimed ABC-TV series How to Live with Your Parents (for the Rest of Your Life) opposite Sarah Chalke, Elizabeth Perkins and Brad Garrett. Dore is the host of HBO Canada’s Funny as Hell, a series showcasing bold and uncensored comedy from the fastest rising comedians at the Just For Laughs Festival, currently shooting its fourth season. He is the star of his own award-winning ‘mockumentary’ series, The Jon Dore Television Show, documenting his hilarious and outrageous debates on life’s challenges and changes, from weight loss to gender. He also served as co-creator, co-producer and writer on the series, proving he is just as comfortable behind the camera. The series ran for a successful two seasons on IFC and The Comedy Network. Dore starred in the stand-up specials Comedy Central Presents...Jon Dore and Comedy Now! (CTV/The Comedy Network); appeared on a number Comedy Central’s specials including Live At Gotham, CC: Stand-Up: The Bonnaroo Experience and Mash Up; made guest-starring turns on How I Met Your Mother (CBS) and Scare Tactics (Syfy); and was the lead in the CBS pilot My Life As An Experiment. A regular on late night talk shows, Dore has the honor of being the first stand-up to appear on Conan (TBS). Dore's feature film credits include the indie drama Gus opposite Michelle Monaghan (Mission: Impossible III) and the comedy Stag, with Donald Faison (Scrubs) and Eva Amurri (Californication), which picked up two awards - Best Ensemble and Excellence in Filmmaking - at the LA Comedy Film Festival. TV Guide Canada called Dore one of the “rising stars of the future” and Toronto weekly NOW Magazine named him Best Male Stand-up. He is the recipient of four Canadian Comedy Awards including: Best Taped Live Performance (2010) for Just for Laughs; Best Performance by a Male in a Television Show (2009) for The Jon Dore Television Show; Best Writing on a Series (2008) for The Jon Dore Television Show; and Best Stand-up Newcomer (2006). He is also a two-time Gemini nominee (2008 & 2009) for Best Individual Performance in a Comedy Program or Series for The Jon Dore Television Show. ~~~ Thanks to our sponsor: http://www.heineken.com/ More Bentzen Ball shows available at: http://www.bentzenball.com Stay informed: http://www.twitter.com/byt
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(image courtesy of MyDoorSign.com)

The teachings of Jesus live on in Christianity today and his biography is the most read story in the world. Of course I haven’t written mine and this lady once dated a guy from The Bloodhound Gang so watch out Jesus. (Nice outfits boys but we didn’t come from monkeys, obviously)

His life spawned many films including but not limited to “Jesus Christ Superstar,” “The Passion of the Christ,” “Godspell,” “The Last Temptation of Christ,” (which was scored by Peter Gabriel who I’m pretty certain could be the new Jesus), “What Would Jesus and/or Joan Jett Do?” “There Is No Me in Jesus,” and my favorite “That’s My Crossroads to Bear” starring Bone Thugs n’ Harmony and a hologram of Eazy-E.

We can also find the word of Jesus in music, both modern and traditional.  Bands such as DC Talk have been sneaking the word of Christ into our hearts for many years.  In fact if you’re ever unsure about a song just listen for a few buzz words: Glory, Savior, Lifting…all basically indicate you’ve been Punk’d by Jesus, in a trucker hat probably.

But hey, if it works it works. I think I “read” somewhere that we should “sing unto the Lord” anyway. Maybe make Him some Bacon.


He is survived by 7,089,995,245…246…247…okay you get the point, people on Earth and who knows maybe some aliens (you’re welcome Scientologists).

As Christmas quickly approaches it’s easy to get caught up in the stress  of purchasing gifts, spending time with family, and of course going out to that shitty dive bar in your hometown on Christmas Eve to ensure you’re still more attractive and successful than everyone else (That’s What Jesus Would Do).  Let’s take a moment, even if religion is not your thing…Atheists, Agnostics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Pagans, Wiccans, everyone…to remember the message of Jesus: Love one another .Simple, right? Oh and of course let’s not forget my favorite party trick…


Happy Holidays!