Are you guys surviving this full work week? YOU CAN DO IT, THERE’S JUST A LITTLE TIME LEFT! And then it will be the weekend, and you will be full of alcohol and Golden Globes predictions! Speaking of which, Tina Fey (as Liz Lemon) and Amy Poehler (as Leslie Knope) will be joining us today in GIF form. So here we go!
- They say music soothes the (overworked) soul or something, so let’s scrounge up $10 and head to Glasslands tonight, where we’re guaranteed a fun, weird time courtesy of Har Mar Superstar.
- Not cool with Brooklyn and/or the $10 price tag? Let’s instead pop over to Santos Party House for this FREE (w/ RSVP) show, featuring artists like Ghost Beach and Blondfire.
- Do you know what else soothes the soul besides music, though? ALCOHOL! Especially when it’s FREE, so let’s go to this screening of Showtime’s House of Lies, (which is cool in and of itself) where the drinks will be provided by Heineken and Ciroc as a super amazing bonus.
- But eff that, because there’s this HBO / Flavorpill party which we’re pretty sure has to do with Girls (because you would have to be a total moron to not pick up on the clues), and which promises free booze and cupcakes. (Granted, it’s wait-list only now, but just think of that as a fun challenge rather than an obstacle!)
- If you’re not into either of those TV-related things, though, then I suggest you swing by Mister H and pretend you have something to do with the “industry” (whatever that means) to score an hour’s worth of free drinks from 7-8pm.
- And while it’s not technically “free,” I think paying $1 per vodka drink is PRETTY REASONABLE, so maybe swing by 95 Delancey to take advantage of that from 10-11pm.
- However, maybe it’d be wise to line our stomachs with unlimited mussels before we dive into all that free and/or affordable sauce, yeah? So let’s make it happen for $15 at Lola!
- “I AM DEATHLY ALLERGIC TO SHELLFISH, MEGAN.” NO! Well 1) I’m sorry you’ve probably never experienced the magic of the cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster, and 2) it’s totally okay because we can skip that last thing and head to Danziger Gallery instead. “What’s happening there, Megan?” Umm just the first night of some super incredible photographs of Marilyn Monroe by Peter Mangone, NO BIG DEAL.
- But if that’s too highbrow for you or something, maybe just go LOL at this Janeane Garofalo / Todd Barry comedy situation! JAJAJAJAJA (that was me, LOL’ing in Spanish.)
- OR just do the right thing and go to LPR for this month’s edition of Macaulay Culkin’s iPod, in which the theme is Oregon Trail! #DYSENTERY
- There’s a lot of sold out stuff music-wise tonight, HOWEVER, we still have a fairly solid option in this Bloc Party / IO Echo show at Wellmont Theatre.
- Similarly, we can shell out between $30 and $65 to go see Dirty Projectors at Carnegie Hall. #FANCY
- OR we can just channel our inner cool and head to the Winter Jazz Festival, which starts tonight! JAZZ HANDS JAZZ HANDS JAZZ HANDS.
- But who even needs music in the first place? NOT US! (Unless you factor the music bit into the existence of Punk magazine, which is the reason we will all be able to go drink free booze from 6-8pm at powerHouse Arena tonight…)
- Hey speaking of free alcohol, let’s hit up Brooklyn Stable at 11pm to take full advantage of an open bar situation! We will have to pretend to be really into trap music (WHAT EVEN IS THAT?!) but it’ll totally be worth it or something.
- But maybe we’d rather go watch some “adult animation” voiced by John Candy (RIP) at Videology tonight! It’s only $5 and maximally weird, so we should probably at least entertain the idea.
- Even if that’s not our jam, though, we can totally stick around and watch Tremors for FREE. (Bonus, kind of!)
- And we will obviously be STARVING after watching graboids eat people on screen for ninety-six minutes, so let’s head over to Whole Foods and learn the magical mysteries of making Peruvian chicken!
- OR we can pretend we are like five years old and sneak into this kids’ course on how to make challah bread, which is cheaper by $40. CHALLAH!
- Okay, so tonight don’t have SO many music-based options, but this Niki And The Dove w/ Vacationer show at Bowery Ballroom is PRETTY solid; tickets are only $15, so get on it while you still can.
- But MAYBE we’d prefer a little free rum with our tunes, in which case we should head to 905 Atlantic Avenue for an open bar from 10-11pm!
- Fortunately this kitten adoption situation at Gristle Tattoo takes place WELL before the free booze, or else we’d be on the fast track to crazy cat lady-dom.
- Speaking of good causes, though, we should probably make an effort to swing by this All-Day Sandy Benefit at BookCourt, featuring a ton of readings and book signings from local authors.
- And now that we’re so filled with good citizenship, we can feel really good about all the poor decisions we’re about to make tonight! For instance, this Hey Queen party at Public Assembly sounds like it’s going to be a weird, affordable (read: $3!) time, involving DJs, go-go dancers, decorations, etc. And if you’re like, “Hmm, I still don’t know…” then just look at the hundreds of people who’ve already signed up to go! #QUEERPRESSURE
- But maybe you’re like, really self-conscious about your post-holiday physique, and don’t feel like being in the presence of people who probably have hotter bods than you. Understandable, but TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE at this course entitled “Cook Yourself Sexy.” (It’s like the sassy side of Whole Foods or something!)
- Alternatively, you could just hide out in the dark for the seventy-one minute duration of The Invisible Man, which is screening at Nitehawk at midnight. #MYSTERIOUS
- OR, buy yourself twenty-two more hideout minutes at Videology, where you can watch Oscar-worthy 1979 classic Disco Godfather!
- But HOLD THE MOVIE PHONE, ’cause ET is screening at 92Y, and we are going to go cry and cry and CRY even though we know the outcome of the film.
- Last but certainly not least in the music runnings for this week, we’ve got a FREE (w/ RSVP) DIIV show at Brooklyn Bowl, but even if you forget to send your name in, tickets will only run you $7 at the door. PRETTY GREAT.
- But let’s be real, all we’re going to want to do is nurse our hangovers today, and what better place to do that than at Yelp’s Holiday Hangover Extravaganza? There will be food and booze (free, it would appear), plus music, the possibility of social interaction, etc. RSVP NOW!
- Unless of course you’re a diehard manga fan, in which case 1) I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND YOU, and 2) maybe the trek out to New Jersey for Indie Comic / Manga Con sounds slightly more appealing today.
- “New Jersey?! Why don’t you just send me to NARNIA, Megan?” Because Narnia doesn’t exist and NJ unfortunately does, duh. Unless Narnia DOES exist, and we just haven’t investigated enough wardrobes and/or crawlspaces to find it…maybe we should do some investigating at this Hidden Spaces and (kind of) Creepy Places tour today. (Sure it’s meant for families, but we have some serious scientific research to do!)
- But being around families requires wearing pants, and no one wants to do that today. Instead, let’s go join our fellow pantsless brethren for this No Pants on the Subway Pre-Party!
- “That sounds inappropriate and terrifying, Megan.” I know, so let’s not go to that; instead, let’s go watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at Nitehawk! Sure, they won’t be wearing pants, either, but I mean…a TURTLE? Wearing PANTS? I mean, that’s just ridiculous.
- What’s NOT ridiculous is the Golden Globes, which will be screened live at Videology just down the street. (We can watch them and feel cool or whatever.)
- This will be AFTER we crash the meant-for-kids-only screening of Ponyo, of course, which is also happening at Videology and is FREE FREE FREE. Free.
WOW THAT WAS A BIG WEEKEND! Did I forget anything, though? I GUESS you can tell me about it in the comments and/or on Twitter @BYTNYC. I GUESS.