So there’s a lot to be excited for this weekend, guys; even if you don’t end up going to any of the zillions of events I’m about to list, at the very least you’ve got the US premiere of Season 3 of Downton Abbey to look forward to on Sunday night! (I already watched the whole thing online and it’s CRAY.) As such, I will be peppering some Downton GIFs into this post, and YOU WILL LIKE IT. Okay, so here we go:
- Okay, so as soon as we get off work I vote we head to this open bar from 7-8pm; the event is for Bridget Perez’s debut EP release, and it’s free w/ RSVP or $5 at the door, aka CHEAP CITY. (PS – they advise you to “Leave the BS at home,” which I can only assume means you shouldn’t bring baking soda along. BUMMER.)
- OR, how about this n+ party at McNally Jackson Books? “What is happening there, Megan?” I don’t know, but it said, “There will be wine,” so I said, “There will be Megan Burns.”
- Not really, though, because I’m trying to be a better person in 2013 or something. So INSTEAD, I’m gonna go to MoMA to watch David Copperfield and A Tale of Two Cities for the last day of Dickens on Film!
- This, of course, will be AFTER I attend this lecture (also at MoMA) titled “Postwar Art: From Pollock to Pop.” (My brain is going to be HUGE!)
- “That sounds boring and heavy, Megan.” True, so let’s maybe skip the smarty stuff and go LOL at Alonzo Bodden at Caroline’s on Broadway!
- But just in case we’re not over the holidays yet, we should PROBABLY make an effort to go to the last few days of the Origami Holiday Tree at the AMNH; if nothing else we can learn how to fold important paper stuff like cranes and sailboats, and then we can add “ORIGAMI” to our super incredible resumes.
- If you prefer real boats to paper ones, perhaps you should skip that last thing and go to the first day of the NY Boat Show, though. BOATS GALORE OR WHATEVER.
- “I have a fear of open water, Megan.” #SCARY. Well, maybe you should stay well away from boats and instead head to Brooklyn Bowl for an evening with Questlove! (HOORAY FOR DRY LAND AND MINIMAL LIFE VESTS!)
- Okay, free things first; let’s swing by the Bell House for this dance party called Head On where two DJs battle it out to garner the most dance moves or something. (All I care about is the fact that it’s Brit Pop vs. Indie Rock. EVERYONE WINS.)
- Next on the free agenda is the chance to meet Melissa Gorga of Bravo! fame; I’m not exactly sure where “Freehold Township, NJ” is, but if you’re a RHoNJ fan, you might look into it.
- If you’d rather stick around Manhattan, though, you’ll be glad to know you can take advantage of a free, hour-long vodka bar at Cielo beginning at 11pm! (There’s an actual free event happening to accompany said free vodka, but SO WHAT WHO CARES?!)
- How’s about some complimentary nostalgia, though? We can swing by Videology for what appears to be a free screening of Coming To America!
- For slightly less free (read: $5) we can still tap into old school times at this thing called “MINIONS OF GOZER: A Live Ghostbusters Shadowcast!” which sounds both weird and amazing.
- And for a few bucks more we can catch Mansions and Junipers, Silent Drape Runners and Winkie at Union Hall, which is a pretty excellent deal if I do say so myself.
- OR for $10 we can catch 50 First Jokes (also at the Bell House), which is being hosted by John F. O’Donnell and is sure to be LOL-filled.
- Although, that $10 will also score you tickets to this weird burlesque situation called The Goat Girl Revue at Le Poisson Rouge; it features performers with names like Bambi the Mermaid and Beezlebabe, so definitely go and take notes on what not to call your firstborn child!
- But since I feel like maybe music will be our jam tonight, let’s go to Zoso: The Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience at Brooklyn Bowl; it’ll only cost us $7 and sounds highly suspect of being potentially horrible in the best kind of way!
- However, HOLD THE PHONE, ’cause the trifecta of MTV-approved male divas is performing at Gramercy Theatre tonight! That’s right, Teddy Geiger, Ryan Cabrera AND Tyler Hilton, all under the same roof?! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
- Basically all you need to do tonight is happening at the Bell House. “What does that entail, Megan?” UMM, GILBERT GOTTFRIED, THAT’S WHAT.
- “I find Gilbert Gottfried’s voice abrasive, Megan.” Obviously, that’s the point! But if your ears really can’t take it, then let’s listen to something more soothing, like the sound of thousands of barking dogs! They will all be assembling at the New Yorker Hotel to show off their talents on the runway, and it sounds like the best thing ever, basically.
- But if you’re allergic to dogs and/or just super into beer, though, maybe skip that last thing and make a beeline for Bitter & Esters, where $55 gives you license to learn the ins and outs of brewing from expert geniuses.
- ALTHOUGH, I totally forgot we’re still detoxing, in which case we should not go to that last thing; instead, let’s go to Whole Foods on the Bowery to learn all about healthy eating and nutritional recipes!
- YEAH RIGHT! It’s been a long short week, and I’ll be damned if my conscience is going to prevent me from stuffing my face with cupcakes and wine at CAMAJE today…
- We can follow that with a trip to Molasses Books in Bushwick, where they’ll be celebrating their new tavern license with a booze-filled party!
- Besides, we can totally dance off all the calories at one of several shows tonight; for instance, let’s start things on an inexpensive note at Glasslands, where $10 gets us in to see Dinowalrus, Life Size Maps and Visuals.
- Or for just $5 we can stick around Glasslands for Hard Mix, Shigeto and Heathered Pearls. NOT BAD.
- OR for FREE we can go see Heems and Lez Zeppelin at the Brooklyn Museum. There’s a chance you’ll have to pay admission to the museum, but still pretty worth it.
- And while it’s $10, I would have to say this All-Metal Tribute to the Bee Gees at Mercury Lounge sounds MOST EXCELLENT…
- HI, HANGOVER! Chances are we’re going to feel a lot of post-drunk guilt today, so let’s boost our senses of self-worth at some cultural events. For instance, we can scope everyone’s favorite foreign film (aka The Red Balloon) at the Film Forum for just $7this morning.
- We can also pop over to Whole Foods again today for this course titled “Dim Sum: Chinese Tea Brunch,” which is exactly what it sounds like. “I can’t wake up and get there by 11am, Megan.” Well, YOU DIM SUM YOU LOSE SOME LOL.
- If you really can’t function and get out the door by 11am, you’ll ALSO be missing this course on how to make soap. And I know you will feel so devastated.
- In all seriousness, though, if you can’t function before 11am you’ve still got options. For example, you can catch a screening of Gremlins at Nitehawk starting at noon sharp.
- OR there’s a screening of Fantastic Mr. Fox a half hour later down the road at Videology. The listing implies it’s for children and families, but eff that, we’re going anyway.
- And as long as you can get to Bellwether by 5pm, you’ll be able to check out the Brian Eno edition of Classic Album Sundays! HERE COME THE WARM JETS!
- A hefty dose of retail therapy never hurt a soon-to-be-married person, though, so provided you’re not Bridesmaids food-poisoning-level hungover, maybe you should check out the Gabriella New York Winter Sample Sale, featuring 70% off bridal gowns from designers like Marchesa and Reem Acra.
So that was a pretty solid balance of potentially disastrous and/or life-improving stuff, and I sincerely hope you chose wisely. Did I forget anything, though? Let me know all about it in the comments and/or on Twitter @BYTNYC!