Oh hey, didn’t see you there! Just put away my three hundredth Christmas cookie, don’t mind me. So are you guys ready to get back into the swing of NYC life after some holiday time away? I KNOW I AM, MINUS THE EXTRA PERSON IN WEIGHT I’VE GAINED OVER THE LAST FOUR DAYS. So let’s examine our options, okay? OKAY! And all the while we’ll be guided by these Breakfast Club GIFs in honor of the 80s flashback situations we’re about to discuss!
- Okay, as I said yesterday, all that family and/or friends time has probably driven you to a brink of madness that only alcohol can resolve. As a result, I vote we head to the One Stop Beer Shop’s first anniversary from 9-11pm, where there will be FREE Bull Dog gin and FREE Tito’s vodka.
- Vodka and gin make a pretty intense duo, rivaled only by MUSICAL duo The White Panda, who’ll be mashing stuff up at Webster Hall tonight or something. Slightly on the hefty side at $30, but allegedly a pretty good time.
- But let’s get back to the free booze for a moment; we can head to Cielo and feign interest in seeing DJ Vibe, when really we’ll just be there for the complimentary open bar from 10-11pm.
- Speaking of free stuff, we can check out Alberta Cross for zero dollars at Brooklyn Bowl thanks to the cool kidz over at Ralph Lauren Denim Supply. #HIP
- Or for ALMOST free, Biz Markie will be doing a DJ set ALSO at Brooklyn Bowl tonight.
- As long as we’re in Billyburg, let’s swing by Cameo Gallery for this French Horn Rebellion show, which will only set us back $8.
- Do you fear Brooklyn, though? Maybe stick within the confines of Manhattan and learn some new knife skills (good for the kitchen OR self-defense) at the Whole Foods on the Bowery.
- Although, EVERYONE knows that the best part about cooking courses is the booze, so let’s just skip the hard part and instead learn all about the basics of bubbly; we’ll be the most knowledgeable drunks on the block come NYE!
- Have $50 to spare, though? Maybe head to this Beer Dinner for Holiday Hurricane Relief, in which we’ll enjoy a welcome beer AND a six-course meal with beverage pairings. I mean, it IS for charity, after all, so basically we can’t not go.
- But YEAH RIGHT, no one has $50, so let’s spend just half that to go see Dar Williams at the Bell House and relive all the times they played her songs on like every single episode of Laguna Beach! (PS, remember Dieter’s eyebrows?!)
- Hey so let’s start off our Friday night in FEAR! I say this because of this Toca-Cielo Santa Clown party, in which there appear to be clowns happening for some reason. HOWEVER, there will be free vodka from 10-11pm, so maybe let’s use this as an opportunity to overcome our fears and/or damage our livers!
- Although maybe you’d prefer to get a nice beer buzz going sans clowns, in which case we should probably head to Shea Stadium for this party; admission is $7 and the beer is FREE from 8-9pm.
- “Is alcohol ALL YOU THINK ABOUT, MEGAN? There’s a whole WORLD of intellectual stimuli out there.” True! So let’s skip the booze and head to reRun Theater for this DUMBO Film Craft night, where we’ll watch movies and think about them!
- Maybe we’d like to fill our stomachs WHILE filling our brains, though, in which case we ought to head to LaunchPad for a good old-fashioned potluck dinner AND a mystery movie that’s still TBA.
- Who are we kidding, though; thinking is hard! Instead, let’s go to the Bell House for the post-Christmas edition of Party Like It’s 1999, where we will then party like it’s 1999. (And I will party EXTRA-hard, because I was 11 in 1999.)
- Or let’s travel even further back in time and scope this tribute to Queen, titled ALMOST QUEEN. And we will be like, “IT IS ALMOST QUEEN! BUT NOT QUITE QUEEN!”
- More into the present-day? WEIRDO. But okay, you can pop over to Webster Hall for Madeon and a DJ Set by The Knocks, which is a pretty solid lineup if I do say so myself.
- OR we could always head to this Disco Biscuits show at Best Buy Theater and like, jam or whatever.
- Okay, first things first. We are all kind of fat right now, so let’s bust out the elastic waistbands and head over to the Bell House tonight, where we can wear our sweatpants with pride. “Yeah right, Megan. Sweatpants?” SWEATPANTS! Because tonight they’re hosting MY SUPER SWEET SWEATPANTS SEMI-FORMAL. Kind of amazing, I know.
- Hey let’s continue with the fashion faux pas situation at the Ugly Holiday Sweater Extravaganza! Tacky sweaters ARE required, so channel your inner Leslie Hall and/or Bill Cosby and GET OVER THERE.
- OR just channel your inner Molly Ringwald and swing by Webster Hall for this allegedly “awesome” 80s Prom!
- Let’s keep things weird over at Cameo Gallery; just $8 lands us a night with Silent Drape Runners, Sewing Machines and Green Grocer.
- Not your jam? How about Jane’s Addiction? Provided we have about $60, we can catch them at Terminal 5 tonight.
- HOWEVER, Terminal 5 is kind of a hike (at least for me) so let’s stick in MY hood, aka Brooklyn, where we can hit up Trophy Bar for PRE_NYE_PRE_GAME; there we’ll get a head-start at being intoxicated for New Year’s, making us REALLY popular with the rest of America!
- We could also just settle on a happy location medium, aka the Lower East Side, in which case let’s swing by Mercury Lounge for Alex Bleeker & the Freaks!
- And then there’s always Disco Biscuits AGAIN tonight at Best Buy Theater, in which will yet again “jam” or whatever.
- Speaking of jamming, while we COULD’VE checked out Phish the last two nights, we’d MUCH rather check out this Phish After Party at LPR, right? RIGHT?!
- Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder’s house? NEITHER HAS HE! Oh my god I am so sorry, but let’s just blame Dan Neustadt for my lack of self-control; he’ll be at LPR tonight playing the entirety of Songs In The Key of Life.
- While we’re being inappropriate, let’s swing by this Teddy Bear Tea; I’m pretty sure it’s intended for children, but wild horses couldn’t drag me away from promises of fruit tea and cookies. SORRY, FAMILIES.
- Although maybe you’re not into that, so let’s instead pop over to Capitol Theatre for Steve Miller Band! Granted, we’ll need between $65 and $150 for admission, BUT it’ll probably be worth it. (Probably.)
- What will DEFINITELY be worth it (provided we enjoy even MORE jamming or whatever) is Phish at MSG tonight, because let’s face it, we can’t pass up an entire weekend of opportunities to see them live.
- Perhaps we’d rather keep it simple (read: cheaper) with campy movies tonight, though, in which case we should probably go to Freddy’s Bar for Obsolete Cinema. Tonight’s lineup features Get Crazy and Phantom of the Paradise, and WE WILL BE THERE.
- Correction: we will be there IF we aren’t already at Competitive Erotic Fan Fiction, where our buddies Dave Hill, Ben Kronberg and others will be bringing the semi-sexual LOLs.
- Or maybe instead of LOLing we feeling being really serious and emotional at this Coldplay concert! And be all, “WE USED TO RULEEE THE WORLD,” even though we didn’t really.
- Speaking of CHEESY, let’s finish off our evening with some delicious fondue at Trestle on Tenth!
PHEW! Did I miss anything? Please tell me ALL ABOUT IT in the comments and/or on Twitter @BYTNYC. BYE!