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NYC Best Weekend Bets
December 13, 2012 | 12:30PM

Oh hey, weekend, I didn’t see you there! (OH WAIT, YES I DID.) We are about to drink a lot of free alcohol, guys. (This is like Amanda Seyfried’s heaven, so she’s Karen Smith’s going to be our GIF guide for the remainder of this post.) ALLONS-Y!

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THURSDAY

  • Let’s begin our evening in style at Mercury Lounge for this Hess is More show. #SEEYOUTHERE
  • Or maybe you’d prefer a semi-sauna situation, in which case you ought to head to this Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs show, where shit’s about to get out of hand in the form of SO MUCH DANCING.
  • Not your jam? Well, go see some other British people (see also: THE other British people) aka The Rolling Stones in New Joisey.
  • That’s far, though, right?! Okay, so we’ll just head to Madison Square Garden for American people, aka The Killers. And they will KILL, probably.

  • Of course, if you prefer punctuation to actual letters, there’s this !!! (pronounced “chk chk chk,” I believe, though I’d have verbalized it as: EXCITED EXCITED EXCITED…) show tonight as well.
  • I, however, am not trying to pay money for things this evening, so I will probably head to this incredible free lineup including Gigamesh and Alex English.
  • SPEAKING of incredible and free, let’s transition over to the FREE BOOZE situations, which there happen to be a lot of tonight. For instance, we can zip by 3rd Ward for the launch of BurdaStyle Sewing Vintage Modern, which features important things like free snacks, booze and confetti.
  • And while you might be reluctant to head out to Long Island tonight, you definitely SHOULD to see this free School of Seven Bells show, eat free Wafels & Dinges, and drink plenty o’ free dranks. THANKS, FLAVORPILL.

  • For something a little closer to home (if you live in Brooklyn, anyway) head to this night of free Absolut cocktails. HOORAY, VODKA!
  • “Vodka and I are in a fight right now, Megan.” Bummer, but I get it. Well, provided you don’t have a fear of snakes, I vote you swing by Milk for “A Testimony of Serpent Handling,” which is rumored to include free drinks.
  • Not into snakes? How about cats? Head to Santos for the #NYANCATCITY Opening Reception featuring even MORE free alcohol. (Vodka again, but boozers can’t be choosers.)
  • You can ALSO head to 5 Crosby Street for a sample sale and/or to take advantage of what appear to be complimentary cocktails from 5-8pm at.

  • OR we can creep on back to this Guinness event for the second night in a row and drink a lot of free beer!
  • Now that we’re semi-intoxicated, we’ll have less inhibitions about buying nice things for people (read: ourselves) for Christmas! SO, I vote we head to Wix Lounge for this Holiday Market situation.
  • But we’re probably pretty hungry, right? How’s about we go eat unlimited mussels for $15?
  • “Because I’m allergic to shellfish, Megan.” Well are you allergic to DREIDELS? Didn’t think so! Let’s go watch the Major League Dreidel Target Tops Tournament and drink from an apple vodka ice luge! AN APPLE VODKA ICE LUGE.
  • We could also just go hang out with Macaulay Culkin for free at Le Poisson Rouge, though. (Yeah, let’s go do that instead.)

FRIDAY

  • It’s been a long week, and we pretty much require a lot of alcohol, right? RIGHT, AMANDA SEYFRIED?! Okay, so let’s go to this $5 screenplay reading, where there will also be an open bar. #IMPORTANT
  • Or if $5 seems too steep, we can hit up this free open bar at Pink Elephant instead. #VALUE
  • And/or we can head BACK to the free Guinness situation, in which we will perfect our Irish goodbye technique!
  • Now onto music, first things first: PAUL BANKS.

  • If that ain’t your scene, though, I’m going to suggest some nostalgia via Nada Surf tonight instead.
  • And if THAT ain’t your scene, I’m going to pray that Gigamesh is. (See also: Gigamesh is 100% MY jam.)
  • We can also go check out Pains of Being Pure At Heart fo’ FREE tonight alongside Black Marble. (See also: Pains of Being PURELY SMART.)

SATURDAY

  • If you’re like me and have no TV, you may not even know Christmas is coming up soon, because ABC Family is the only way you could possibly ever realize that it’s on it’s way, right?! WRONG; if you set foot in Manhattan today, you will be bombarded by thousands of drunk Santas at mother-effing SantaCon. (Here’s a survival guide; you’re going to need it.)
  • We can also go remind ourselves at this Polyphonic Spree Holiday Extravaganza situation, which is (slightly) less terrifying.
  • But eff holiday situations when you can see The Rolling Stones, so let’s head back to New Jersey for the seven millionth time to check them live tonight.

  • ALTHOUGH, we could ALSO go see Nada Surf again…which brings up an interesting point: if Nada Surf were offered tickets to see The Rolling Stones tonight, do you think they’d skip their own show?
  • But HOLD THE PHONE, ’cause Matisyahu is playing tonight. #SORTED
  • Not really, though, because the Harry Potter Yule Ball is tonight. And we can’t like, NOT go to that, right? RIGHT?!
  • Who needs music when there’s holiday shopping to be done, though? Let’s hit up the South Slope Holiday Craft Fair today from 11-5pm and get loaded up on stuff our friends and/or loved ones will (probably) like.
  • For even MORE crafts, we can pop over to Brooklyn Craft Central’s Annual Holiday Market at Littlefield!
  • And if we somehow still haven’t burned ourselves out on crafts, then we can level things off at 3rd Ward’s Holiday Craft Fair. #BKCRAFTIN’

  • Maybe we feel like making our own edible crafts, though, in which case we should crash this Gingerbread Ships Workshop; it’s technically for children, I think, but adults get to go fo’ free! (I think you still have to have a kid for that to work out, so maybe borrow one for a little while today?)
  • And now that we’re so full of holiday-craft-induced cheer, let’s hit up this Winterland Romp, featuring live music, and (more importantly) festive drink specials.
  • Or if you’re more the stay-at-home-and-watch-Concrete-TV-on-Public-Access, maybe you’d like to listen to this talk titled “Public-Access Television Now” now.
  • But eff all that stuff, ’cause there’s free alcohol to be had. (Like at this Better Breakfast Christmas Party, for instance.)
  • ALTHOUGH, everyone knows that Christmas cookies are the trump card in any situation, so we may need to ditch our other plans for this workshop at Whole Foods.

SUNDAY

  • First, let’s start our day off with a free glass of champagne at this Holiday Boutique and Bazaar, where we will shop ’til we drop or something.
  • If you didn’t get enough Matisyahu last night, please feel free to go see him for not free tonight at the Capitol Theatre.
  • But we’ll likely be keeled over from all the chocolate we’re about to eat at the Chocolate World Expo, where we will cram as many samples into our gobs as is humanly possible. (Like, Augustus Gloop style. “YOU BOILED HIM UP, I KNOW IT!”)
  • We’ll also probably be keeled over from ingesting thirty different varieties of cookies and free Bulleit eggnog at the Bell House Cookie Takedown this afternoon.

  • But maybe we can find the strength to go boost our cupcake knowledge at this Georgetown Cupcake Holiday Decorating Workshop? (Emphasis on the “maybe.”)
  • Provided we haven’t developed diabetes, let’s head to MSG for The Grapple to live vicariously through athletic people, aka collegiate wrestlers killing each other or something. (There’s one called Bubba, so we kind of have to go…)
  • Or maybe we should just take it easy at Videology’s premiere of The Existential Adventures of Tim Maia, which is narrated by Devendra Banhart and, apart from the screening, will feature DJ sets by Lemonade and True Panther Soundsystem.

PHEW, SO MUCH STUFF! Did I leave something out, though? Well don’t go all Amanda Seyfried sans sauce on me; instead, tell me all about it in the comments and/or on Twitter @BYTNYC.

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