Here’s the thing. In theory a No Pants Metro Ride sounds hilarious, right? Like, “hahaha, a bunch of people in their underwear, totally out of place, surprising all the regular metro riders!” And, I guess for the most part, the event was pretty hilarious, but probably not for the reasons you might expect.
The event was organized by a group called DC Defenestrators, which I think, can be most aptly described as an improv group. Think liberal arts college/high school drama club, you know, the guys who have theme parties that inevitably wind up into a show tunes singing competition after everyone’s had a bit too much Goldschläger? Yeah, now we’re talking.
At first the whole experiment sounds tittilating, I’m guessing there must have been a lot of creepster dudes (see dude in banana hammock who insisted that he be next to a girl when I asked him to pose with my friend James) who showed up expecting to see some hotties in their panties, to no avail. And that had to have been one of the most disappointing factors about the whole event. The lead organizer, Bruce Witzenburg, not only announced that he had “double-bagged” himself, he encouraged others to do so as well! I can’t tell you how many dudes I saw in gross, baggy, boxers. (See XBOX 360 boxers.)
Let’s not beat around the bush here people. The reason this thing is even remotely exciting is due to the semi-sexual nature of the affair… if you’re not going balls out, and by balls out I mean, some TIGHT shorts, what the hell is the point? I’m just sayin. You all can judge for yourselves.