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Downton Abbey Season 3 US Premiere: The Non-Spoiler Semi-Recap
January 7, 2013 | 1:45PM

So Season 3 of Downton Abbey premiered in the US last night, and Twitter was abuzz with people being excited and/or not excited. But let’s backtrack a moment; who are these Downton fanatics? Well, to begin with, a lot of people “get” the show, but there are still a ton who just don’t:

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(BEYONCE IS A PERSON, NOT A “THING,” CECELIA.) Anyway, if you’ve never seen the show, you might be saying, “Why should I watch?” Well, BECAUSE OF THE FOLLOWING REASONS:

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(To recap, that’s 1. peer pressure, 2. awesomeness, 3. getting punched, and 4. feelings.) If you HAVEN’T seen it yet, probably avoid the internet at all costs, because people WILL spoil it for you, whether it’s intentional or otherwise. @VirtuousAbbey gets what I’m saying:

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You should also apparently avoid Cracker Barrel:

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Fortunately for you, there are zero spoilers in this post. SO, let’s talk to some Twitter users, yeah? First up, emotions were clearly running high, due in large part (it seems) to parental incompetence:

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Meanwhile, we have @indiamorgan, who found the real life version of Downton Abbey via NYC public transportation this morning:Picture 211Really, India? I’d have said it’s real life Downton Abbey because you’re spreading the Spanish Flu up in the subway all willy-nilly. (Somewhere, six feet underground, Lavinia Swire is PISSED.) But then Maggie Locker’s all:

Picture 213TRUE DAT. But who do we hate more than Lavinia? Lady Edith, it would appear:

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(Thanks for the warning, @allthewine. We will avoid you like the plague.) Seriously, though, POOR EDITH; as if it’s not already bad enough just BEING Lady Edith, here’s what @michaeldthomas wishes for her character:

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Not that I wouldn’t be into that scenario, but seriously, let’s pawn the cursed tiki off on someone like Daisy or O’Brien’s bangs, AMIRITE? Here’s another scenario I’d be semi-into:

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And/or this one:

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Imaginary plot-thickeners aside, though, some people thought the premiere was too long:

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Ugh, I WISH, Jess Schwartz. I wish. Hey but back to Downton illnesses, @MissLiberty has officially given us the best game EVER to play next time we wind up in the ER:

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THANKS FOR THAT! Anyways, I’ve already seen all of Season 3, and I can tell you right now that some shit’s about to go down that is going to knock the wind out of your sails, make you question your entire existence, etc. Am I going to spoil that for you? No. (Do I kind of wish I was going to spoil that for you? Yes.) The best way to find out what’s up is to join the rest of the cult and watch every Sunday on PBS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Just do it, okay? And then tweet about it, because it really bothers the rest of the non-Downton-Abbey-watching planet:

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CHEERIO!

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