So obviously a lot of you probably resolved to get in shape in 2013, which may or may not have led to impulse purchases like workout clothes or gym memberships. As such, we’ve decided to compile some motivational playlists that clock in at between ten and thirty minutes; this is what we like to call the “make or break” period, in which you decide whether this is going to be a regular thing, or whether you’re going to go home and resume your position as wine-drunk-couch-master-of-the-universe! So here goes nothing, yeah?
The only exercise I ever do involves spinning wheels on a bicycle (whether it is a stationary one or a moving one-it doesn’t matter). On that note-here are some choice cuts for that (all of which I have legitimately exercised to, I swear):
- WHITE STRIPES – Seven Nation Army – perfect for high impact, deep inclines and those moments when you feel the resistance just.can’t.get.any.harder.
- YACHT – Psychic City – perfect for pretending that you are in a music video while casually cruising down streets of the city you live in
- ICONA POP – Scream “I DON’T CARE. I LOVE IT!” as you leave.it.all.on.the.bike. (the LEAVE.IT.ALL.ON.THE.BIKE thing btw is a real thing I’ve been yelled at in spin class. It always makes me laugh pretty hard through my blood, sweat and tears).
- NICKI MINAJ – Starships. HIGHER.(and faster. and stronger. and better) THAN.A.MOTHERFUCKER
- BELLE AND SEBASTIAN – Boy With The Arab Strap – cool down and hugs.
- “Deceptacon” – Le Tigre – It is nearly impossible to get me to work out and it is even closer to impossible to get me to do it to the wrong music. (And no music whatsoever? Out of the question and hand me that bowl of mac and cheese, please and thank you.) That’s why it’s imperative to have someone that sounds like an angry cheerleader yelling in your ears to a beat that pushes you forward. Plus, you know, “Deceptacon” is only 3 minutes long so if I push myself to the end of a track I still feel like I accomplished something (even though I sort of know it’s cheating if the song is only three minutes).
- “Salute Your Solution” – The Raconteurs – Same reasoning as above except that this one involves Jack White yelling at you, which is always preferable.
- “Raspberry Beret” – Prince – Sometimes, when I hear this song, I feel an overpowering need to do crunches. I guess it stems from the warm-ups I would have to do to this song multiple times a week in high school at the start of dance class, so now it’s forever a crunches song in my brain. I don’t know, you guys. I went to theatre school. It was weird.
- I listen to Le Youth’s “COOL” whenever I’m walking someplace in a hurry; I imagine it’d be good for a reasonably-paced power-walk or venture on the treadmill, or like, solo kickboxing, whatever that means. It’s definitely not the fastest beat around, but if you’re just getting back on the old exercise horse or whatever, it’s probably a good option to avoid immediate death.
- Similarly good for a steady jogging and/or treadmilling pace (again, so I would assume) is “Audio, Video, Disco” by Justice. Every time I listen to it I imagine myself jogging in place, even though that pretty much never actually happens IRL. #WHATEVER
- Also, pretty much any Disclosure song ever is going to be ideal for working out, but one of my favorites is “Lividup.” If I ever worked out I would most definitely listen to this one, and I would look around at everyone else thinking about how much cooler I am than they are.
- But you’re totally ready for the big leagues, right? Well let’s quit effing around and just cross over into DnB territory, yeah? I bet you NEVER thought you’d be working out to a Lana Del Rey song, but thanks to this Jakwob and Etherwood remix, “Video Games” just became your new best friend.
- And if you REALLY want to show the world you are immune to heart attacks, definitely go with Netsky’s “Pirate Bay.” (And if you die, don’t from-beyond-the-grave say I didn’t warn you.)
Like Ann Romney, the only exercise I seek out is aided by four hooves and a bunch of jumps taller than most of my friends. So my work-out mix is a bit more docile than your typical bangers-cum-jock jamz vol 28 mix you hear at the gym…. Unless of course you’re the hip-hop horse.
- Fleetwood Mac’s “The Chain” — Warm up to the sultry smoothness of Stevie Nicks’ voice and that sweet simple guitar, that is until the bridge comes in.
- Blonde Redhead “Equus” – Babe lead singer Kazu was involved in a serious horse accident early in her music career and it completely influenced an entire album (Misery Is A Butterfly). I’ve got to give her credit.. not many people understand the weird connection that is a rider and their horse and she put it perfectly.
- Kasabian “I Hear Voices” – My trainer is always yelling instructions at me like “keep your heels down!” “look up” “don’t run into that wall”… so this is pretty explanatory. I hear her voice even in my sleep. It’s frightening.
- The Kills “Alphabet Pony” — Easy Alphabet Pony. The pounding basslines are perfect for counting strides between jumps. Each trip around a course of fences is just a little bit over a minute so the short length of this track is perfect.
- Sleigh Bells “Comeback Kid” – The number one rule of thumb with horseback riding is that no matter if you have a bad ride or do poorly in a competition, you’ve got to “get back on your horse”. Comeback kid not only hits that point, the crunching guitars make you feel like a damn gladiator.