TMNT_Ellios PIzza
Best Frozen Pizza/How To Improve Cardboard Pizza
January 8, 2014 | 12:30PM

By Mackenzie Bailey, Philippe Chetrit, Peter Heyneman, Avalon Swindell Jones, Priya Konings, Svetlana Legetic, Brandon Wetherbee, Ashley Wright

Earlier today we wrote about our favorite pizza in DC. Since having a stranger come to your house may seem a little intrusive, we decided to also let you know about our favorite frozen pizza options.

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Amy’s

If you’re going to do a frozen pizza its going to have to be Amy’s. Amy’s pizzas are great because their toppings are healthy but tasty, and she offers uses variety of different cheeses and crusts. Her spinach pizza is one of the best; its savory and cheesy with a crispy crust and fresh-tasting tomato sauce. Even better is the roasted vegetable with sweet caramelized onions. She also has a pesto, a three cheese on cornmeal crust, and a soy cheese pizza option. A word to the wise: sprinkle goat cheese or fresh Parmesan to any of the pizza before or after you bake them to up the flavor level. Also: whatever you do, bake them in the oven, not microwave. Otherwise they will be soggy and gross! -Priya

How to make a pizza sandwich on a grill

Ingredients
-one cheap cheese thin crust frozen pizza
-other stuff you like to grill
-grill
-foil

Directions
1. Grill stuff like meat and vegetables.
2. Wait until the grill has 30 minutes left before it’s completely dead.
3. Place the frozen pizza on foil on the grill. Let sit for 10 minutes.
4. Fold pizza in half. Place lid on grill. Let sit for 10 minutes.
5. Flip pizza. Put lid back on grill. Let sit for 5 minutes.
6. Add meats and vegetables previously grilled on grill. Eat pizza as soon as it’s off the grill. Burn mouth. Scream about how you just grilled a pizza and no one can stop you ever because pizza party!
7. Think of Andrew W.K. -Brandon

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Improving a frozen pizza

Step 1: Acquire frozen organic Spinach Pizza (Amy’s).
Step 2: Add as much mozzarella cheese as you can fit in your mouth at once. (I use full fat cheese because I have no shame, but skim is cool too.)
Step 3: Add a generous handful of your meat of choice. (I usually go with prosciutto or sausage.)
Step 4: Cook according to box directions.
Step 5: Put into your face.

Pro tip: Remember to chew while you’re inhaling this slice of heaven. (Yeah, I just went there.) -Ashley

Make Your Own

Why would you make frozen pizza when you can make your own full size Oven pizza? You can buy a Boboli readymade crust and slather some Don Pepino’s sauce on there, some pre-shredded MOzzaRELL, some tomato slices, couple hot peppa flakes. And VOILA! Share with your loving family! Hahhaaha JK you are alone and drunk. Just slap a Celeste Pizza for One in the wave, burn the shit out of your tongue sticking it into your maw in one bite and then lick the cardboard like the garbage monster you were born to be. -Peter

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Safeway Nature’s Best

The thing about frozen pizza is that you will always be disappointed if you expect pizza, which is too bad because frozen pizza is delicious. Consider it an amazing cracker and you’ll love them all. But if I had to pick one it would be the Safeway’s Natures Best but you have to get the thin crust. -Philippe

Sale Pizza That Usually Costs More Then $5

If the pizza is regularly priced above $5 and is on sale, I’ll buy it. They all pretty much taste the same after you leave the children’s section (no offense to food aimed at children, it’s fantastic on certain occasions, like watching a football game or giving it to children). If there’s a thin crust that has relatively little meat (big fan of meat, not a big fan of salt and when it comes to frozen pizza meat=salt) and I have Sriracha at home, I’m happy. Why thin crust over thick? Why not buy 30 oz when you can buy 10 oz? Because it’s just bread. Not good bread. Give me two thin crusts and I’ll make a delicious pizza sandwich. Give me two thin crusts and a grill and I’ll make you a life changing meal better than anything you’ll see on Semi-Homemade Cooking. -Brandon

Totino’s

I am oddly emotionally attached to the cheapest pizza in the frozen pizza section. I think trying to make any frozen pizza taste like a delivery one is sort of as ridiculous of a task as making the delivery pizzas taste as good as the restaurant ones. They’re all a genre unto themselves and that’s OK people! TOTALLY OK. When we went full-time with BYT in 2009, we worked out of my apartment (which I couldn’t afford at the time) and I ate these puppies every other day (would you judge me if it was every day?). First off all, they’re PERFECTLY sized for a person living by themselves. Second of all, they’re ALWAYS on sale. And third of all-they actually do taste good. The crust has sort of a flaky quality but the size makes the (single) cheese melt nice and evenly and the sauce is a decent balance of sweet and spicy (much like with all frozen pizzas, you need to stay away from the meats-too salty, too gummy, too everything, no matter what they say on the box). I would add some fancy four blend parmesan/cheese blend on top midway through the baking, and sprinkle some hot pepper flakes on top, college style, pop open a high-life and we’d have a feast on our hands. Even now, when I definitely can afford my apartment and my food (thanks BYT for proving me right and my parents wrong!) – I still sometimes dip into the Teeter, grab one or two of these puppies and have myself a nostalgia snack, sodium contents be damned. DON’T JUDGE ME (fine, judge me). -Svetlana

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Trader Joe’s Frozen Pizza

Trader Joe’s wins at all other food items, so why not frozen pizza? It has an assortment of frozen pizza and tartes (a fancy name for thin pizzas) with topping combinations you would never expect. They range from buffalo chicken to goat cheese to Sicilian. My only complaint is that most are on the smaller side. so don’t plan on sharing. Also, if you’re a crust person, TJ’s pizza is your frozen pizza soul mate. The store also sells pizza dough, so you can throw the pizza party of your dreams and add toppings of choice. -Avalon

Whole Foods Frozen Pizza

The frozen pizzas from Whole Foods do not taste like your average frozen pizza. They’re baked and then frozen in the store with zero artificial ingredients or added flavors. All the natural ingredients make this pizza taste homemade and perfect. On Tuesdays and Thursdays you can get a cheese pizza for $9.99, and a pizza with up to 3 toppings for $10.99, so prices are awesome too. Everything tastes magical and heavenly the minute it comes out of your oven. -Mackenzie

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  • jess says:

    Imma have to deduct pts for no Stouffer’s French Bread Pizza mention.