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Behind The Desk 79: Sports Are Silly
January 18, 2013 | 2:30PM

Brandon Wetherbee hosts the talk show/podcast You, Me, Them, Everybody at the Wonderland Ballroom in D.C. and in Baltimore, Brooklyn, Chicago and Philadelphia. Listen to it online at youmethemeverybody.com. He’ll be hosting YMTE this Friday at the Wonderland Ballroom with house band Mark’s McGrath, guests Haywood Turnipseed Jr, Fiona Zublin from The Washington Post, Graham Corridor, Adam Friedland and Sara Armour.

Sports provide a healthy distraction from everyday life and showcase remarkable beauty through athleticism. They’re also silly.

I understand that this isn’t a site meant for sports fans. Neither is my talk show. That being said, there are three stories currently in the zeitgeist that are sport based and deserve acknowledgement. They’re all silly.

Lance Armstrong
A man rode a bike through a pretty country once a year for a lot of years and did it the best a lot of those years. Because he pedaled the best he got to wear a yellow shirt. People that tend to hate people that ride fixed gear bikes liked a guy that rode a bike in a yellow shirt. That shirt was so popular it sold plastic bracelets, think of fatter jelly bracelets girls wear in junior high, which raised money for cancer. The guy in the yellow shirt won a battle with testicular cancer but lost a testicle. And lost his wife. And Sheryl Crow. And an Olsen twin. That made him sad. He also took drugs to make him pedal better. He told Oprah. This made the people that bought the plastic bracelets sad. Now the bike guy doesn’t get to wear the yellow shirt. The people that bought the plastic bracelets are mad. A man who left his family to have relations with Sheryl Crow and left Crow when she had cancer to have weird father-daughter type relations with an Olsen twin was supposed to be a role model. Shame on him? This is silly.

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Manti Te’o
A very talented young man fell in love with a pretty young lady. The man’s talent is hitting people with his head. He is the best at hitting people with his head while not being paid to do so at Notre Dame. During the season he hit people in the head even better when his grandmother died. Six hours later the pretty lady lost a battle with leukemia. The pretty lady turned out to be fake. Did the man know this to garner sympathy? Did his school know about the fakeness of the dead lady? Is a 22-year old from a small, Mormon Hawaiian town just like other people on the Internet? This is silly.

Baseball Hall of Fame
Baseball Writers Association of America decided not to elect Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire or Sammy Sosa, the three most prolific home run hitters of the long ball era, to the Hall of Fame because of steroid use. They decided not to elect Roger Clemens, one of the greatest pitchers of any era, for the same reason. They decided not to elect Craig Biggio for not being able to choose when he was born. Talented but guilty due to time. The Hall is ignoring a large and important chunk of the sports past. All of these players have just as much right to be in the Hall as any white player that never faced any black player. The steroid era may send a bad message about drug use, but it’s no worse than praising decades of acceptable segregation. Steroid use may help for a few seasons on the field but it destroys the rest of the players lives. Once playing days have passed, the only thing left to do is wear oddly fitting suits and watch your skin slowly sag down. Let the sad, scary induction ceremony be the asterisk. The public deserves to see white Sammy Sosa add to his perfectly insane Pinterest page. Keeping that type of genius out of the Hall is stupid. This is silly.

Thanks for reading and have a wonderful night. Play like a champion today.

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