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Behind The Desk 114: Road Dog
November 27, 2013 | 3:30PM

Brandon Wetherbee is the host of You, Me, Them, Everybody. He’ll be at the Hungry Brain in Chicago on Friday, November 29 hosting YMTE with Esmeralda Leon and guests Stephanie Hasz, Dmitry Samarov and Ian Abramson.

Back on the road. Road dog checking in from the road. Taking a car halfway across the country to spread the gospel of talk show. And celebrate Thanksgiving in Chicago. Whatever. Talk show. Road. Doing it.

Been on the road a lot lately. Took a road airplane to change the talk show spectrum in road friendly Los Angeles. Know what I call Los Angeles? Road dog parking lot!

After a trip to LA LA Land I hopped on another road plane to change lives via the talk show in curvy roaded New Orleans. Didn’t need a car in New Orleans. Sometimes road warriors say, “No thanks, car, I’ll walk the safe streets of New Orleans in a suit and go to whatever restaurant Yelp gives 5-stars and has one dollar sign! Nothing bad will ever happen to me!” Warrior of the road.

Last week was all about road dogging it on a very long road bus to the Biggest Apple. Once again made lives magical and whimsical because I hit the road. Changing lives one show at a time, one mile at a time.

In the car right now, like a real road warrior. Thinking about picking up one of those seat covers made of wooden beads, like a real road warrior. Warriors love wooden beads.

Here’s a helpful tip from an experienced road dog: coffee. Drinking some good ‘ol H2O-whateversymboliscoffee as I write this. Keeping me wide awake and aware of all the impending doom surrounding the car in whatever state I’m in. I think we’re still in Maryland. We haven’t gotten very far.

Side note: Just passed a cheese plant. The road is a wonderful place.

Don’t be afraid to be an aggressive driver. Don’t let those other dogs think you’re not a road dog. Road dogs rule the road. I’m not actually driving right now, that’d be dangerous and road dogs are not fans of danger. But be an aggressive driver. Road dogs are the dogs creating the danger for others.

Road dogs enjoy listening to St. Vincent on the highways and byways of America. Her smooth, electronic indie rock is the 21st century musical equivalent of 1970s mud flaps on trucks that have cartoon dudes flipping off other cartoon dudes. Know your road dog analogies. And DMX. Road dogs like DMX because he barks.

“Where my dogs at?!?”
“On the road! Again!”

Now it’s snowing. That’s like road dog fuel. Besides fuel that goes into the car, road dogs love snow. We call it outside the car fuel.

Yep. I love the road. I love doing the show all around this great nation. I love the boredom of the open road. The seemingly never ending expanse of pavement. The dead deer. The crosses. The dead deer underneath billboards of crosses. The road. The book The Road. The film based on the book The Road. All of it. Love it.

I think we’re still in Maryland. Fuck this. We should have flown. An hour in and we’re falling asleep. Goodbye forever.

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